IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

some people prefer full-time jobs because they offer stability. other people preferbcasual jobs because of the freedom they offer

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A group of individuals adhere to the view that choosing full-time
jobs
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 provides them financial stability
while
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 some
people
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 believe working part-time offers more advantages
such
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 as freedom. partially agree with
this
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 viewpoint and I will elaborate
my
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on my
show examples
 arguments in the following paragraphs. On the one hand, I accept that some pupils are more likely to choose
jobs
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 with long working
hours
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 because of several reasons.
Firstly
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, some subjects
such
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 as doctors, teachers or engineers demand full-
day
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work
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, because their
jobs
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 are crucial and require much attention. To illustrate, doctors are responsible for patients lives and they have to be careful during operations which
last
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 more than 5
hours
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.
Moreover
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, the other reason why most
people
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 want to
work
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 the whole
day
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 is financial problems.
For instance
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, full-time employees earn much more than part-time and it provides
people
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 with financial stability.
On the other hand
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, it is
also
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 true that working long
hours
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 is not suitable for some citizens
due to
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 several disadvantages. To start, part-time
jobs
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 offer much freedom and convenience and for these reasons,
people
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 prefer them.
For example
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, full-
day
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 employees
work
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 8
hours
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 per
day
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while
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 part-time employees
work
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 only 4
hours
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 per
day
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 and it leads to opportunities
such
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 as going out with family and travelling to new places during the
day
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.
In addition
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, if
people
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 spend less time in workplaces, they tend to be much more energetic because they have much time to relax. The latest research of the Az Magazine about
work
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hours
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 proves that little
work
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 time means less fatigue. In conclusion,
although
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 I agree that full-time
jobs
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 give the chance to earn money, I
also
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 hold the view that part-time
work
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 is more beneficial because it contributes to
people
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's personal
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
show examples
 and comfort.

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task achievement
Consider starting your introduction with a clearer statement of your stance on the topic. For example, you could explicitly state whether you side more with full-time or part-time jobs.
coherence and cohesion
While your paragraphs are well-structured, ensure that the connection between the points is explicitly clear, which can be improved by using more transition words or phrases.
task achievement
Feel free to expand on your examples and explain them in a bit more detail to illustrate your points more vividly.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear introduction and a well-summarized conclusion, effectively framing the discussion.
task achievement
You have provided relevant and specific examples, such as discussing the demands of doctors, which add credibility to your points.
coherence and cohesion
The essay has a good logical flow between ideas, demonstrating your ability to organize thoughts coherently.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • job stability
  • financial security
  • permanent employment
  • career growth
  • job flexibility
  • work-life balance
  • diversification of skills
  • autonomy
  • temporary employment
  • independent work conditions
  • 9-to-5 schedule
  • health insurance
  • retirement plans
  • paid vacation
  • job satisfaction
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