IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Some people claim that immigrants should adopt the local culture when immigrating to a new country. While others think that they can establish a minority community instead. Discuss both views and give your opinion

There is an ongoing debate over whether
immigrants
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 should follow the local
culture
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 or establish their own community to promote their traditions. Some people claim that if you live in any
country
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 in the world you should respect their
culture
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,
while
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 others firmly believe that
immigrants
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 have the right to keep their traditions.
This
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 essay will elucidate both sides of
this
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 debate and provide a personal opinion. Every
country
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 around the world has their own traditions and
cultures
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.
Therefore
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, some individuals say that if you immigrating to any
country
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 you should know the
language
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 of
this
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country
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. It is evident that you need to know the local
language
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 in order to communicate with the locals and build truthful relationships.
For example
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, 80% of the conflicts that involved
immigrants
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 were caused by misunderstandings,
due to
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 poor understanding of the local
language
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.
Therefore
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, I think it is reasonable to request
immigrants
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 to know the
language
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 of the
country
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 they immigrate to.
Nevertheless
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, I strongly believe that anyone has the right to keep and save their own
culture
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. In today's fast-paced world, many
cultures
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 are at the risk of extinct.
Furthermore
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, I think the government need to encourage people to establish their own minority communities
instead
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 of trying to pressure them into accepting new
cultures
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.
This
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 will benefit both the locals and
immigrants
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. By doing so locals will gain an opportunity to experience new things and get to know other
cultures
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.
For instance
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, a program similar to what I'm describing was promoted in 2000 in Finland.
This
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 program had a stunning effect on Finland’s nation. In conclusion, I think it is obvious that I totally disagree with the statement that
immigrants
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 should adopt the local
culture
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. I believe that people should learn how to thrive together and respect each other’s
cultures
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.

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task achievement
Ensure that all points made are fully developed and clearly linked to the main argument. Some points, such as the need to learn the language, could be explained in more detail to illustrate their importance.
coherence and cohesion
Use a wider range of cohesive devices to connect ideas and sentences more smoothly. This can enhance the flow of your essay and make it easier for the reader to follow your argument.
coherence and cohesion
Consider adding a paragraph that summarizes the key reasons that support your viewpoint more comprehensively. This would allow for a clearer distinction between the two sides of the argument.
strength
You clearly articulated your stance on the issue, providing a balanced discussion of both views before stating your opinion. This demonstrates good essay structure and the ability to present differing perspectives.
strength
The use of specific examples, such as the program in Finland, effectively illustrates your points and provides relevant context to your arguments, enhancing the clarity of your ideas.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • adopt the local culture
  • integrate
  • social customs
  • mutual respect
  • cultural clashes
  • minority community
  • cultural diversity
  • emotional support
  • mental health
  • multicultural society
  • harmonious coexistence
  • heritage
  • social acceptance
  • cultural practices
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