IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Parents are encouraging their children to spend an increasing amount of time on tablets and screens because they think it will improve their technological skills. Do the advantages of this development outweigh the disadvantages?

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Nowadays, an increasing number of children
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
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 being
enforced
Verb problem
forced
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 by parents to spend a huge amount of time on tablets in order to improve their technological capabilities.
While
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this
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 activity actually can have a beneficial effect and truly develop the understanding in
this
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 field, it
also
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 features potential setbacks,
such
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 as diseases related to one's vision.
This
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 essay examines both benefits and drawbacks and decides if the advantages outweigh the disadvantages. One of the main advantages of doing
such
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 an activity is the improvement of skills which are required if a person wants to fully develop his potential.
For example
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, in Kazakhstan, children are quite often asked to install apps on their grandparents' phones since the latter do not know anything about technology.
Moreover
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, if a certain person develops essential technological skills in his childhood, he will never be worried about learning them in the future when they are actually needed. It
also
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 instils a sense of freedom in a child because the absence of parents' control forces him to think so.
However
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, the
most
Correct quantifier usage
apply
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primary disadvantage is the appearance of vision-related diseases
such
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 as myopia and others that have a disastrous effect on
eyes
Correct article usage
the eyes
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. There is even a quote that says that everything should be done in moderation and it is a perfect example. Spending an increasing amount will not only lead to eye strain, but
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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can
also
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 stimulate the development of some serious illnesses. Recent research showed that people who tend to use their mobile phones and other devices throughout the day reduce their vision quality two or three times faster than the ones who do it in moderation. In conclusion,
although
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this
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 novelty might lead to
better
Add an article
a better
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 understanding of gadgets, I highly recommend and think that
this
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 activity is not worth trying because of all the symptoms one can acquire during
this
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 process.

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task achievement
Ensure that all main points are well-supported with specific examples or evidence to enhance your arguments.
coherence cohesion
Introduction and conclusion are well-presented; just ensure the conclusion clearly states your position on whether advantages outweigh disadvantages.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, providing a good overall structure.
task achievement
The ideas presented are clear and comprehensive, particularly highlighting both the advantages and disadvantages.

Answer the 'Problem and Solution' topic

Problem-and-solution essays fall naturally into two parts, the first describing and exploring the problem, the second setting out the solution or solutions.

You essay structure should look something like this:

  • Introduction
  • Body paragraph 1 – Problems
  • Body paragraph 2 – Solutions
  • Conclusion

Examples to start your body paragraph:

  • One of the first problems of the...
  • Another problem that needs to be considered...
  • A possible solution to this problem would be...
  • One immediate practical solution is to...

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Digital literacy
  • Technology-driven world
  • Technological proficiency
  • Educational apps
  • Interactive software
  • Learning styles
  • Eye strain
  • Sedentary lifestyle
  • Social interaction
  • Emotional intelligence
  • Inappropriate content
  • Cyberbullying
  • Screen time management
  • Supervision and control
  • Exposure
What to do next:
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