These days people prefer to watch live performances (Shows, concerts) through tv or computer, online rather than go to the place of event.

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In the digital age, watching live
performances
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has become common for most
people
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.Some
people
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argue that
people
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should go to the place of the event.Personally, I completely agree with
this
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statement
due to
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it gives
people
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more benefits.
While
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there are many
reasons
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why
people
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prefer to watch live shows or concerts online the main
reasons
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are they can save their money and
also
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it gives more confidence.
As a result
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, it is not a secret for us that watching online can more cheaper than offline that’s why,they can spend their budget on other useful things like the house as well if they watch online it can be more convenient because they can watch it every place they want.
For example
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, it is proved that, when individuals don’t have time or budget to go to the place an event, it will be a good choice to watch it online.
Thus
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, for these
reasons
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,
people
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select to watch shows or concerts online.
On the other hand
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,individuals must go to live
performances
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. There are a lot of
reasons
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for
this
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: first of all,when
people
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are in live
performances
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they can easily get the energy of consent or show.
Moreover
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, it can be a new experience of their boring life.
For instance
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, it is proved that when the atmosphere is not present,
people
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will not get energy and they will not get experience.
Therefore
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, for these
reasons
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,
people
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opt to watch live shows.
To sum up
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, I hold the view that
people
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should watch live
performances
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which can be beneficial for them from all sides.
Submitted by makemoneyizzy16 on

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task achievement
The essay addresses both sides of the argument, but the arguments could be more fully developed to strengthen your task achievement score. Consider adding more depth to each reason provided.
coherence cohesion
While you have structured your essay well with an introduction, body, and conclusion, the logical flow could be improved. Try to provide clearer connections between ideas and paragraphs.
coherence cohesion
Introduction and conclusion are present, providing a clear frame for your argument.
task achievement
The essay provides some relevant examples which aid in illustrating your points.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • live performance
  • streaming
  • mobility issues
  • busy schedules
  • substantially cheaper
  • broadens cultural horizons
  • customize their environment
  • electric atmosphere
  • social interaction
  • technical issues
  • immersive experience
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