Children today are too dependent on computers and electronic entertainment. It would be better for them to be outside playing sports and taking part in more traditional pastimes than spending all day indoors. Do you agree or disagree with this statement?

Nowadays, technology has increased by leaps and bounds, and
as a result
, offspring are more dependent on electronic items. One school of thought claims that it would be beneficial for children to play outside
sports
and take
part
in more traditional pastimes rather than spending all day indoors. I completely agree with the latter statement, and my reasons are articulated in the forthcoming paragraphs. To commence with, parents should allow their kids to play outside as it will improve their physical and mental health.
For example
,
games
such
as cricket and volleyball will enhance their physical growth and give them a break from monotonous schedules, which will make them free from stress.
Moreover
, children will learn about past
games
and their importance.
On the other hand
, taking
part
in traditional
games
makes offspring more socialised in society and helps them explore challenges,
learn
Correct word choice
and learn
show examples
a lot of new skills,
such
as communication and leadership. To cite an example, research indicates that taking
part
in outside
sports
teaches them good leadership qualities.
Furthermore
, they can sharpen their minds
while
taking
part
in pastime
games
.
To sum up
,
sports
play an essential role and guardians should allow their kids to take
part
in traditional pastimes rather than spending time on the computer. Playing
sports
outside has many benefits that improve their growth and personality.
Submitted by kakshpatel16916 on

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task achievement
Try to include more specific examples that clearly relate to your points for a stronger demonstration of understanding and application. This would enrich the essay further.
general advice
Be cautious with repeat use of phrases like 'offspring.' While it's technically correct, 'children' is more commonly used in essays of this type.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion of the essay are clear and provide a concise summary and reiteration of the main points, which enhances readability and coherence.
coherence cohesion
Your arguments are logically organized, making it easy to follow the progression of your thoughts.
task achievement
The essay demonstrates a strong grasp of the topic, with well-developed ideas and clear reasoning evident throughout the text.

Word Count

IELTS says that you should write a minimum of 250 words in writing task 2. If you go under word count you will lose marks in task response.

A very long essay will not give you a higher band score.

Aim for between 260 to 290 words in writing task 2. This will ensure a concise essay and will be realistic in terms of time management. You have only 40 minutes to write the essay and you need around 10 minutes of planning time, so you will not be able to write a long essay in 30 minutes.

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Get your IELTS Essential Vocabulary List —
Topic Vocabulary:
  • dependent
  • computers
  • electronic entertainment
  • outside
  • sports
  • traditional pastimes
  • excessive
  • negative impacts
  • physical health
  • mental health
  • promote
  • overall well-being
  • play outdoors
  • read books
  • socialize
  • develop
  • balance
  • holistic development
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