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Writing Samples /
Band 6

Many people around the world use social media every day to keep in touch with other people and get news events. Do the advantages outweigh the disadvantages?

#people #world #media #touch #news #events
Thisthis
Correct your spelling
Thus this
 essay will discuss certain
people
 around the world who
use
 social
media
 every day to keep in touch with other
people
 and get news events, actually, there are a lot of advantages and disadvantages
such
 as many students
study
 in another country so they can
use
 social
media
 to get some news from their
families
,
on the other hand
, some times be
negative
Add an article
a negative
show examples
 way
for example
 who
use
 the social
media
 will effect on the bad influences
people
. It is beautiful to
use
 social
media
 in a beneficial way like learning. Regarding, the advantages as we have written before about students who
study
 in another university in their countries, they will miss their
families
 even when they
ate to gather
Wrong verb form
eat
show examples
they will
use
 social
media
 to watch them and call them to know their events, the second example, I would to discuss is the learning on social
media
 many categories
use
 full to
study
such
 as telegram, it can put the exam for any subject even show the result. In BBC shows 70%
use
 social
media
 to
study
such
 as telegram.
According to
 the disadvantage,
for example
, excessive
use
 of social
media
 leads to autism, because of spending time on it, they will not gather with their
families
 in real life, just speaking with them in Snapchat. In
BBC
Correct article usage
the BBC
show examples
study
 many
people
 suffer from that problem about 52%. In conclusion, with several topics of advantages and disadvantages, we advise
people
 to spend time with their
families
 in real life.
Submitted by rihas89s on

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task achievement
While the essay covers main points related to the topic, ensure that you clearly specify whether the advantages outweigh the disadvantages as asked in the question.
coherence cohesion
There are ideas presented, but ensure to structure them in distinct paragraphs (one for advantages, one for disadvantages) for clarity and flow.
task achievement
Develop each point thoroughly, providing specific and relevant examples to reinforce your arguments.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, which frames your arguments well.
task achievement
You have included examples to illustrate your points, like the mention of students using social media to keep in touch with family and platforms like Telegram for learning.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • facilitate
  • geographically separated
  • fostering
  • connectivity
  • instant communication
  • real-time information
  • misinformation
  • rigorous checks and balances
  • fake news
  • addictive nature
  • detract
  • face-to-face interactions
  • mental health
  • awareness of limitations
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