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Band 6

Some people believe that children should spend all of their time with their family. Others believe that this is unnecessary or even negative. Discuss the possible arguments on both sides, and say which side you personally support.

#people #children #time #arguments #side #support
There is a debate about whether children should stay with their households
in
Change preposition
for
show examples
 their entire childhood or not.
Although
 some individuals argue that it is necessary for a child to stay with his/her parents
due to
 the fact that they understand them better, I agree with those who believe that it is not important because children fail to become independent. On the one hand, proponents
who
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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think that youngsters must live with their families throughout their lives since they know them better than any other person. As children are growing up, the parents are able to tell what their babies like and what they do not like which will be hard for another person to know. Even when young people reach reach adulthood stage, guardians
have seen
Wrong verb form
see
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 them transiting from one stage to another meaning they can understand them better.
For example
, a friend of mine called James chose to stay with his father throughout his life since he
understand
Wrong verb form
understood
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 him well.
However
,
this
 makes some individuals
to
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apply
show examples
become too dependent on
his
Correct pronoun usage
their
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 home people.
On the other hand
, I am in agreement with those who say that it is vital for a young one to spend his/her life in different places and with different people. If they live with different members, it enables
then
Correct your spelling
them
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 to become self-supporting and learn how to survive on their own.
This
 not only
lead
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leads
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 to maturity but it
also
 allows the little ones to enjoy their lives.
For instance
, I was able to stop being dependent on my family when I migrated from home to a new area.
Therefore
,
this
 helped
become
Correct pronoun usage
me become
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 more responsible. In conclusion, even though staying with close relatives enables them to know you, I think that moving away from brings a sense of maturity
in
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to
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 a person.
Submitted by jmeeme5 on

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grammar
Watch out for small grammatical errors and typos, such as repeated words (e.g., 'reach reach') and subject-verb agreement issues.
structure
Ensure that each paragraph has a clear central idea and all sentences relate back to this idea, further strengthening coherence and cohesion.
structure
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, which frames the argument effectively.
content
Arguments are well-explained with relevant examples to support the main points.
clarity
The ideas are expressed clearly and are easy to follow, demonstrating good coherence and cohesion.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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