IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Nowadays, people believe that governments should invest tax-payers money in healthcare, while others believe that money should be used in other areas. Discuss both points of view and give your opinion.

#people #governments #tax-payers #money #healthcare #areas #points
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Nowadays an increasing
the
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apply
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number of
people
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 are becoming concerned about what governments should invest there are two diametrically opposite opinions on the matter. Some
people
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 assert that the governments should direct the money received from taxes to health care
while
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other
Fix the agreement mistake
others
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 state that they should spend the falling income on the development of other
areas
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. In
this
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essay
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essay,
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 I will try to
discass
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discuss
 both sides of the
arguements
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arguments
argument
 and explain why I am in
complate
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complete
 agreement with the latter viewpoint. On the one
hand
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hand,
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 it is commonly argued by some groups of
people
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 that governments should invest tax-payers money in health care that for the better development of
medicine
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 in the future.
First
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The first
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 and
formest
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foremost
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 thing that some
people
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 feel is that
medicine
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 is the most important and focused field all over the world,
therefor
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therefore
show examples
 it should be
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an improvement
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improvement
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improved
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. Another reason why they claim is that the number of patients and the death rate in the country will decrease if
medicine
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 is developed.
On the other
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hand
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hand,
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 I side with those who consider that the public should budget more in other sectors, they think
this
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 is true mainly
due to
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 the fact that
others
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other
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areas
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 in
the
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apply
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society should
also
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 be
reform
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reformed
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 at
moder
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modern
 level for
instanse
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instance
 it is
pissible
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possible
 to say only one field of study. Education is
also
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 the most essential branch of
community
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the community
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. Another main reason is that other
areas
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 have a great role
to improve
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in improving
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 the country's situation for
exaple
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example
 transport, agriculture, security system and business ,
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and environmen
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environmen
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environment
.
To conclude
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although
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 some
people
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 advocate the idea
that
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apply
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other
people
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 think that more
invesment
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investment
 should be made in
medicine
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. I support the investment should be made for other
areas
Use synonyms
 as well.
Submitted by Teo Halimov on

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coherence cohesion
Enhance your logical progression of ideas. While you have introduced both viewpoints and stated your opinion, connecting the points more smoothly would improve clarity.
task achievement
Use specific examples to support your points. For instance, when discussing investments in other sectors, providing detailed examples or data could strengthen your arguments.
task achievement
Make sure your ideas are expressed clearly and comprehensively. Pay attention to grammatical accuracy to convey your thoughts more effectively.
coherence cohesion
Your essay includes both an introduction and a conclusion, which helps in framing your arguments clearly.
task achievement
You have adequately addressed both sides of the argument, which shows a balanced approach to the task.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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