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Nowadays, people believe that governments should invest tax-payers money in healthcare, while others believe that money should be used in other areas. Discuss both points of view and give your opinion.

#people #governments #tax-payers #money #healthcare #areas #points
Nowadays an increasing
the
Correct article usage
apply
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number of
people
 are becoming concerned about what governments should invest there are two diametrically opposite opinions on the matter. Some
people
 assert that the governments should direct the money received from taxes to health care
while
other
Fix the agreement mistake
others
show examples
 state that they should spend the falling income on the development of other
areas
. In
this
essay
Add a comma
essay,
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 I will try to
discass
Correct your spelling
discuss
 both sides of the
arguements
Correct your spelling
arguments
argument
 and explain why I am in
complate
Correct your spelling
complete
 agreement with the latter viewpoint. On the one
hand
Add a comma
hand,
show examples
 it is commonly argued by some groups of
people
 that governments should invest tax-payers money in health care that for the better development of
medicine
 in the future.
First
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The first
show examples
 and
formest
Correct your spelling
foremost
show examples
 thing that some
people
 feel is that
medicine
 is the most important and focused field all over the world,
therefor
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therefore
show examples
 it should be
Add an article
an improvement
show examples
improvement
Replace the word
improved
show examples
. Another reason why they claim is that the number of patients and the death rate in the country will decrease if
medicine
 is developed.
On the other
hand
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hand,
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 I side with those who consider that the public should budget more in other sectors, they think
this
 is true mainly
due to
 the fact that
others
Correct quantifier usage
other
show examples
areas
 in
the
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apply
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society should
also
 be
reform
Wrong verb form
reformed
show examples
 at
moder
Correct your spelling
modern
 level for
instanse
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instance
 it is
pissible
Correct your spelling
possible
 to say only one field of study. Education is
also
 the most essential branch of
community
Add an article
the community
show examples
. Another main reason is that other
areas
 have a great role
to improve
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in improving
show examples
 the country's situation for
exaple
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example
 transport, agriculture, security system and business ,
Correct word choice
and environmen
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environmen
Correct your spelling
environment
.
To conclude
although
 some
people
 advocate the idea
that
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apply
show examples
other
people
 think that more
invesment
Correct your spelling
investment
 should be made in
medicine
. I support the investment should be made for other
areas
 as well.
Submitted by Teo Halimov on

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coherence cohesion
Enhance your logical progression of ideas. While you have introduced both viewpoints and stated your opinion, connecting the points more smoothly would improve clarity.
task achievement
Use specific examples to support your points. For instance, when discussing investments in other sectors, providing detailed examples or data could strengthen your arguments.
task achievement
Make sure your ideas are expressed clearly and comprehensively. Pay attention to grammatical accuracy to convey your thoughts more effectively.
coherence cohesion
Your essay includes both an introduction and a conclusion, which helps in framing your arguments clearly.
task achievement
You have adequately addressed both sides of the argument, which shows a balanced approach to the task.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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