Some people believe that professionals, such as doctors and engineers, should be required to work in the country where they did their training. Others believe they should be free to work in another country if they wish.
In
general
I think that both points of view are correct and acceptable, but sometimes you have to take into account the different situations of each country and analyze the personal and professional situations of each one. Add a comma
general,
First,
regarding the
personal situation, sometimes professionals have Correct article usage
apply
had
many barriers to completing their studies, which is why they do not receive any help from the Government and when they obtain their profession, they do not feel the need to develop their profession in their populationUnnecessary verb
apply
. .
Replace the punctuation
.
...
For example
, when they were students and did not have any financial support, they wanted to look for new opportunities abroad. It is important that students receive help, in the same way
they will want to return that help by working for their community. So depending on your professional situation, whether you feel satisfied or not, like people spend a lot of time at work and don't feel confident about finding better opportunities in their countriesAdd the comma(s)
way,
,
when that happens, they should be free. decide where they want to work or live. In conclusion, if people want doctors and engineers to contribute to their population, they should first invest in their careers. I suggest that the most appropriate thing to do is to spend money on campaigns to help students and Remove the comma
apply
then
they will want to be in your country.Submitted by fetani on
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Task achievement
Try to develop each argument more fully, providing additional explanations or evidence for your points. This will make your argument stronger and more convincing.
Coherence and cohesion
Ensure that your essay maintains a clear and consistent structure. Consider beginning with a clear introduction that outlines the main points you will discuss and conclude with a summary of your arguments.
Task achievement
You have made a conscious effort to address both points of view presented in the question, which shows a good understanding of the task.
Coherence and cohesion
Your writing flows well between points, and you have used examples to help explain your ideas.
Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
Linking words are very important in your essay.
To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.
Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.
In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.
Linking word examples:
- firstly
- secondly
- thirdly
- in additional
- moreover
- also
- for example
- for instance
- therefore
- however
- although
- even though
- despite