IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Some people say that governments should pay for public health care and education, while others say that it is not governments’ responsibility. Please discuss both views and give your opinion.

#people #governments #health #care #education #governments’ #responsibility
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It is thought by some people that public
health
care
 and
education
 should be paid for by governments
while
 others believe they need to focus more on other issues. In
this
 essay, both viewpoints will be outlined before reaching a conclusion. On the one hand, it is the government's responsibility to take
care
 of its citizens, and one of the most significant reasons is that it is a regular basis. To elaborate
further
,
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
 well-being of citizens is important and they need to be in good
health
, both mental and physical.
Moreover
, students are the future of their countries in order to develop the country when they grow up.
For instance
,around 10 years ago in Thailand, the government launched policies that helped individuals
to
Verb problem
apply
show examples
spend only 30 Baht to see doctors in hospitals and they invested money in
education
 for children who live in rural areas.
Therefore
, individuals in that period had higher GNH (Gross National Happiness) than the present.
On the other hand
, there are several reasons why it is not the government's responsibility and the most crucial is they have other issues that need to be concerned about. What
this
 means is a lot of problems are waiting to be solved despite focusing on
health
care
 and
education
.
Furthermore
, the
states
 have to take
care
 of the financial stability of their own countries.
For example
, problems
such
 as the environment and pollution in Thailand have been dramatically increasing in recent years,
therefore
 the
states
 have to contribute their money to those matters first before they become out of control.
Overall
, it is a fact that public
health
care
 and
education
 for individuals in the country should be taken
care
 of by the
states
.
However
, from my point of view, we need to understand that it is not only those mentioned
that
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
show examples
 the issues of countries, but there are
also
 many matters that the governments to be concerned about and tackle to improve their citizens' quality of life.
Hence
, if there is something that we can help the
states
, we should willingly collaborate with our determinations.
Submitted by nnatthinee on

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coherence cohesion
Ensure clarity by avoiding repetitive phrases. For example, the phrase 'on the other hand' can be substituted with 'in contrast' or 'alternatively' to maintain reader interest.
task achievement
It would enhance the essay to further develop the examples provided. For instance, the discussion on environmental issues could include specific programs or statistics to provide more weight to the argument.
task achievement
Pay attention to minor grammatical errors and typos such as 'a well-being of citizens' which should read 'the well-being of citizens' for improved readability.
task achievement
The essay offers a balanced discussion of both viewpoints on whether governments should fund public healthcare and education. This demonstrates thorough understanding of the topic.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are effectively presented, setting up the discussion and summarizing the viewpoints clearly.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • **Equal Access**
  • **Economic Growth**
  • **Public Good**
  • **Preventative Measures**
  • **Social Stability**
  • **Financial Burden**
  • **Efficiency Issues**
  • **Limited Choice**
  • **Innovation**
  • **Moral Hazard**
  • fundamental human rights
  • socioeconomic status
  • productive population
  • social inequality
  • bureaucracy
  • competitive pressures
  • innovation
  • preventative measures
  • publicly funded
  • healthcare and education services
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