IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

Many people feel it is a waste of money to try to save endangered animal species, for example the tiger or the blue whale. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

#people #waste #money #species #tiger #whale
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In recent years, A Myriad of Wildlife
creatures
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 has vanished and to save
this
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 species the government spent so much
money
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. Some
people
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 think that
this
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 is a waste of
money
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 and in my opinion, I agree with
this
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 statement. in the following paragraph, I am going to give reasons to support my opinion. To start with the Benefits of spending
money
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 on
this
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 species, The first motive is
This
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animals
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 are part of the life Cycle of the earth.
In addition
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, These
animals
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 are part of History too, so it is necessary to save these
creatures
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. Each animal represents some skills and creation of the gods. If these
creatures
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 are getting vanished our next generation will never get a chance to see them. Some of the royal family chooses to pet these
animals
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 to show royalty,
For instance
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, In Dubai many Rich
people
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 pet tigers to show royalty.
On the other hand
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,
According to
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 the data, the possibility save these
animals
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 is less than 50
percent
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per cent
show examples
. Which means more than 50
percent
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per cent
show examples
 of the amount is getting wasted. So In place of
this
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 amount, the government can use the
money
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 on technology and other facilities for the public which are more essential for the
people
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.
In addition
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, the benefits that we are getting from these
creatures
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 are not major. government has to spend
money
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 to put some rules on
people
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 to not harm these
animals
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 and they have to spend the remaining
money
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 on other important factors. In conclusion, The result of spending
money
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 to save wildlife is not worthwhile. in place of that
money
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 can be useful to upgrade the other essential fields.
Submitted by chetanpanchal9876 on

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task achievement
Clarify your position in the introduction for better task achievement.
task achievement
Provide more specific examples to support your ideas.
coherence cohesion
Work on transitions between paragraphs for improved coherence and cohesion.
coherence cohesion
The essay contains a clear introduction and conclusion, helping guide the reader.
task achievement
You address both sides of the argument, which enhances the balance in your writing.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • endangered species
  • biodiversity
  • intrinsic value
  • existential threat
  • ecosystem
  • conservation
  • economic benefits
  • funding allocation
  • competing needs
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