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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The table below shows information about age, average income per person and population below poverty line in three states in USA. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant.

The table below shows information about age, average income per person and population below poverty line in three states in USA. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant.
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The table illustrates the
percentage
Use synonyms
 of age, citizens below
poverty
Add an article
the poverty
show examples
 line and the amount of average salary per person in different states in
USA
Correct article usage
the USA
show examples
. It is
obviously
Change the word
obvious
show examples
to be seen
Verb problem
apply
show examples
that the highest proportion of
aged
Correct pronoun usage
those aged
show examples
 under 18 is Utal at 28% and the lowest proportion is
Florida
Use synonyms
 at 16%.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, in the aged over 60 the
most
Correct word choice
highest
show examples
percentage
Use synonyms
 is
Florida
Use synonyms
 at 23%, California is in the second position at 13%, and
then
Linking Words
 the third position is Utal at 8%, respectively.
In addition
Linking Words
, the majority of
mean
Correct article usage
the mean
show examples
 salary per person is Califonia at 23000 dollars, and the minority is Utal at 17000 dollars.
Lastly
Linking Words
, the highest
percentage
Use synonyms
 of residents below
poverty
Add an article
the poverty
show examples
 line is California at 16%, the second place is
Florida
Use synonyms
 at 12%,
the
Correct word choice
and the
show examples
 lowest is
Utal
Correct your spelling
Utah
 at 9%. In conclusion, Utal has the
most
Correct word choice
highest
show examples
percentage
Use synonyms
in
Change preposition
of
show examples
aged
Correct pronoun usage
those aged
show examples
 under 18 and the
least
Correct word choice
lowest
show examples
 proportion
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
aged over 60.
In contrast
Linking Words
,
Florida
Use synonyms
 has the maximum ratio of
aged
Correct pronoun usage
those aged
show examples
 over 60 and the
fewest
Correct word choice
lowest
show examples
 ratio
in
Change preposition
of
show examples
aged
Correct pronoun usage
those aged
show examples
 under 18.
Finally
Linking Words
, the most wealthy country is California.

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Conclusion: The conclusion is too long.
Vocabulary: Replace the words percentage, florida with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: Only 6 basic words for charts were used.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 4 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "proportion" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "ratio" was used 2 times.
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