In some cultures, children are often told that they can achieve anything if they try hard enough. What are the advantages and disadvantages of giving children this message ?

#cultures #children #message

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It is widely believed in some cultures that

children

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are able to achieve everything they want if they work hard. I truly believe that saying

this

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children

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has only beneficial effects since it motivates individuals to try harder.

Nevertheless

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, I will

also

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discuss the disadvantages,

such

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one

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's depression which can occur after a failure, even despite the fact that a certain person did his best. Giving

children

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this

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message can actually foster their development and dedication to their subjects or activities. When a kid understands the significance and importance of his hard work and all of its benefits, he will tend to try harder.

Moreover

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, it is actually true that it mostly depends on our discipline;

however

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, dedication is not the only factor in

one

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's wealth.

For example

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, in Kazakhstan, many schoolboys are told that their success fully depends on whether they are hard workers or not and it results in an increasing number of successful

children

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who do not procrastinate.

On the other hand

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, if a certain person spends a lot of time studying and learning and still does not get the desired result, it can instil a sense of anxiety and stress in him. Nowadays, parents often connect

one

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's success to his discipline and it forms a child's worldview in an improper way.

For instance

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, there are many applicants who were studying for 5 years straight and even more but they were not accepted in their dream university.

Therefore

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such

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a situation can lessen

one

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's self-esteem and lead to a huge loss of confidence. In conclusion,

although

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telling a child that trying hard is essential to achieve your dreams, I think that parents should not interpret everything

this

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way since it can result in bad consequences and even diseases,

such

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as depression. I am a firm believer that

this

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technique needs a balanced approach and only

then

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this

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message will be worth trying.

Submitted by shermadovs on Wed Nov 27 2024

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Coherence and Cohesion

Try to connect your ideas more fluidly with linking phrases and clear transitions to enhance readability.

Task Achievement

While your examples are relevant, try to add more diverse examples to further strengthen your arguments.

Coherence and Cohesion

Ensure that each paragraph focuses on a single main idea to avoid confusion and maintain clarity.

Coherence and Cohesion

Your introduction and conclusion are clear and well-structured, effectively framing your argument.

Task Achievement

You have articulated your arguments with a clear stance and supported them with examples.

Task Achievement

The essay addresses both advantages and disadvantages, providing a balanced discussion.

12
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
2
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
0
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 8.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 9.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 7.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

317 words

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Topic Vocabulary:

achieve
try hard
positive mindset
self-belief
motivates
ambitious goals
resilience
determination
confidence
self-esteem
growth mindset
unrealistic expectations
disappointment
failure
effort
hard work
seek support
individual differences
abilities
capabilities

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In some cultures, children are often told that they can achieve anything if they try hard enough. What are the advantages and disadvantages of giving children this message ?

In some countries, more and more people are becoming interested in finding out about the history of the house or building they live in. What are the reasons for this? How can people research this?

Some people think that employers should ensure a supportive and pleasant work environment where each employee is respected and valued equally while others think employers should focus instead on providing better facilities and equipment. what is your opinion?

The Government should be responsible for providing retirees with financial support and care. Whole many people think that citizens should save money to take care of themselves when they are old. Discuss both views and give your opinion

In many countries around the world, rural people are moving to cities, so the population in the countryside is decreasing. Do you think this is a positive or a negative development?

Nowadays, more and more people decide to have children later in their life. What are the reasons? What are the effects on family life and society?