IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

In many countries, sports stars earn extremely high salaries. Some people believe that sports stars earn too much money, while others claim that they deserve their high salaries. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

#countries #sports #stars #salaries #people #money
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In several countries,
athletes
Use synonyms
 can easily earn an absurd amount of money just from doing their sport. Some would say that it should not be the case for them to have those earnings numbers.
However
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, the issue is not entirely straightforward, and arguments can
also
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 be made against the idea.
This
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 essay will discuss the debate, and give a concluding view. On the one hand, many argue that sportsmen do not contribute to society as significantly as those in education or healthcare, whose work directly impacts people's lives.
For example
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, a sportsman's salary can surpass that of the President, raising questions about the value of
such
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 earnings.
While
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athletes
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 provide entertainment and inspire millions, their financial rewards often seem disproportionate compared to professions that shape society through teaching, healing, and public service.
On the other hand
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, opponents of
this
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 view point out that, contribution to society is not the only parameter in deciding someone's salary. The main reason why sports stars can make over 1M a year is because they bring revenue to people who hire them. The league generates billions of dollars annually through ticket sales, merchandise, television rights, and sponsorship deals.
Consequently
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, the high salaries of
athletes
Use synonyms
 are not just a reflection of their individual talent, but
also
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 the large-scale financial ecosystem they are part of. In conclusion,
while
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 the salaries of
athletes
Use synonyms
 may seem disproportionate when compared to those in education or healthcare, they are largely driven by the economic value they bring to the sports industry.
Submitted by azami06mufa on

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task achievement
Consider adding more specific examples or data to support your points, particularly when discussing the revenue that athletes bring to the industry.
coherence cohesion
While the essay is generally coherent, ensure that each paragraph has a clear topic sentence that aligns clearly with the main argument of that section.
task achievement
The essay provides a balanced view, discussing both sides of the argument effectively before offering a conclusion.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are well-presented, providing a clear outline and summary of the discussed points.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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