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Writing Samples
Band 8

Some people believe that most crime is a result of circumstances, e.g. poverty and other social problems. Others, however, believe most crime is caused by people who are bad by nature.
 Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

#people #crime #circumstances #e #g #poverty #nature
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In recent years, there has been a significant increase in the number of criminals in many countries, even if their national economy is growing.
However
, people hold different views about the factors contributing to crimes. Some individuals believe that the soaring crime rates are related to circumstances, including poverty and other social problems. One primary reason in favour of
this
 opinion is that the majority of offenders are indeed poor,
due to
 socially disadvantaged backgrounds or lack of the ability to make a living.
Consequently
, they are forced to steal or rob in the case where their desires,
such
 as decent clothes or exquisite meals, cannot be fulfilled by their own money.
Besides
, young convicts may be influenced by violent scenes in the media. Generally, the actors and their behaviours may be cool from their perspective, so they are unconsciously and adversely affected and even begin to imitate the actions in their real life, which are more prone to damage others and even break laws.
However
, there are some opponents who argue that genes dictate whether one commits a crime or not. To be more specific, the fact that some governors with power, intelligence
as well as
 wealth
also
 violate laws justifies the view. The reason why the wealthy or clever commit crimes is that they are bad naturally, which means it is the traits that they inherited from their parents that decide their cruel behaviours.
Thus
, even though leaders in authority are in good situations with sufficient money and respect from others, they still choose to corrupt or distort facts to damage others’ benefits on purpose.
This
 may be caused by their innate genes. In my view, it is the interaction of nature and nurture that shapes a person’s value and influences whether one person will commit crimes or not.
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task achievement
Consider expanding on the 'nature and nurture' interaction to further support your opinion and discuss its implications.
coherence cohesion
Ensure smooth transitions between ideas for better flow and connectivity.
task achievement
The essay addresses both views and provides a clear opinion on the topic, aligning well with the task requirements.
coherence cohesion
The argument is logical and generally well-developed, with an effective introduction and conclusion.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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