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Band 5

the two maps below show the road access to a city hospital in 2007 and 2010. summurise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant

the two maps below show the road access to a city hospital in 2007 and 2010. summurise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant
#two #maps #show #road #access #city #summurise #information #features #comparisons
The diagram shows 2 stages of “City Hospital” ’s development: 2007 and 2010 . In 2007 “City Hospital” was built close to a City
Road
, with only one leading
road
 to its entrance, called “Hospital Rd”.
Besides
 that “City Hospital” had 6 bus stations, with 3 of them located on each
side
 of
leading
Correct article usage
the leading
show examples
road
 “Hospital Rd”. The Car Park was
also
 included in “City Hospital” for both personal staff and
public
Correct article usage
the public
show examples
.
Also
Add a comma
Also,
show examples
 the Ring
Road
 was built around the “City Hospital” for a better moving experience. In 2010 the infrastructure of “City Hospital” was completely redesigned. These changes included: * Adding 2 roundabouts on each
side
 of “Hospital Rd” ‘s
road
. * Building a special section for a bus station and connecting it between the 2 roundabouts on the left
side
 of “Hospital Rd” ‘s
road
. * Separating public and
staff only
Add a hyphen
staff-only
show examples
 car parks. The car park that was used for both of them is now for personal staff only and a new section was
build
Wrong verb form
built
show examples
 for public use only, that was located on the
right hand
Add a hyphen
right-hand
show examples
side
 of a „ City Hospital" 's ring
raad
Correct your spelling
road
show examples
. During
this
 period “City Hospital” has
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
faced a significant amount of changes
that
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
for both moving and using experience.
Submitted by nana_skylife on

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "also".
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Basic structure: Use less body paragraphs.
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Basic structure: Change the fourth paragraph.
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Basic structure: Change the fifth paragraph.
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Basic structure: Change the sixth paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words “city, hospital”, road, rd”, side with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Only 6 basic words for charts were used.
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Vocabulary: The word "changes" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the fourth paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the fifth paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the sixth paragraph.
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