A country becomes more interesting and develops more quickly when its population includes a mixture of nationalities. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
A nation becomes more exciting and develops more abruptly when its citizen includes a mixture of races. I partially agree with
this
statement.
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First,
one of the most obvious advantages of having a mixed nationality population is the higher number of labourers in a labour market. Linking Words
This
can definitely cause numerous benefits in a working market. To illustrate Linking Words
this
, a survey recently conducted by The New York Times revealed that two-thirds of U.S. organizations willingly hire labourers from various nations for their better image, those international businesses Linking Words
in particular
. Linking Words
In addition
, A variety of races can Linking Words
also
lead the professional workers to a cheaper base of salary. Linking Words
Therefore
, Linking Words
this
allows the economy of a whole nation to be potentially grown by a number of investors from other cities.
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On the other hand
, having a various type of citizens can, Linking Words
however
, negatively affect the whole economy because domestic workers will be replaced by cheaper workers in spite of a specialized skill and a proper academic degree. Linking Words
For instance
, Linking Words
according to
a recent study from the Faculty of Economics, at Harvard University, 8 out of 10 American officers tend to be replaced by Mexican immigrants if the current policy of the government allows the immigrants to be able to work domestically legally. Linking Words
Additionally
, the severity of nations can cause crimes. Linking Words
This
forces its citizens to have more risk of being killed by those from other countries.
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To conclude
, a mixture of races can not only bring the nation a higher number of labourers but Linking Words
also
a cheaper salary, meanwhile, it can bring the local population replacement Linking Words
as well as
a real-life danger.Linking Words
Submitted by amittawin on
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task achievement
In the introduction, try to clearly state your position on the issue, rather than saying you 'partially agree'. This will provide a clearer framework for your argument.
task achievement
Ensure all parts of the prompt are addressed. The essay could include more on how cultural diversity contributes to making a country more interesting, in addition to economic aspects.
coherence cohesion
Try to maintain a logical flow within paragraphs and between ideas. The second paragraph introduces ideas that would benefit from smoother transitions.
task achievement
Work on providing examples that are more detailed and specific to strengthen your arguments. This will make your essay more convincing.
coherence cohesion
Your essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, which provides a structured format.
task achievement
You provide relevant information about the economic impact of a diverse workforce.
coherence cohesion
The essay is generally well-organized with ideas presented in separate paragraphs.