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Writing Samples
Band 6

ising to a large family celebrations such as a wedding can often create problems. What can be the problems associated with organising a large family event and what solutions can you suggest? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant problems from your knowledge and experience.

Family celebrations are considered really important in different cultures. Some of these events, like weddings, can bring various hassles with them. We cannot deny that there are a lot of troubles, especially when
people
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 spend so much
money
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, which is more than their financial ability allows, and some essential things might be forgotten. I suggest providing situations to pay enough attention to the meaning behind these events, and I am going to elaborate on
this
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 in the following. On the one hand, there are various difficulties in holding major ceremonies. Despite the fact that
,
Punctuation problem
apply
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 it is a good reason to visit our relatives and
friends
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 during our happy times,
people
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 have to spend a lot of
money
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 for that. Sometimes, not only must
people
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 invest
money
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 for several months, but they are
also
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 forced to borrow
money
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 from their family members or get loans from banks.
As a result
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, they might not be happy enough on that day with their debts.
Moreover
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, big parties require a lot of coordination beforehand because everyone prefers to appear perfect in all aspects.
People
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 often are judged by their guests,
while
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 they tried so hard to organise different items in good ways.
Likewise
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, they will become so bored. Because of
this
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,
hosts
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 cannot enjoy their time and do the activities they have dreamed
.
Change preposition
of.
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On the other hand
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, what I believe is that
hosts
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 have the right to be happy like others.
Therefore
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, I suggest to them that considering items
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 which are critical can be effective. In
this
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 way, they can avoid excessive expenses.
Similarly
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, they can only invite their close
friends
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 and relatives, who are actually valuable to them.
Hence
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, all the
people
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 who attend an intimate atmosphere event can experience fun, happiness, and a joyful time.
In addition
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 to
this
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,
hosts
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 can ask their close
friends
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 and family members to take small responsibilities.
Consequently
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, everything can be well-organised, and
hosts
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 will have the best moments. Unlike the formal conditions, their close
friends
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 will start to compliment them for their efforts, and guests will have enough energy to fulfil their dreams. In conclusion,
although
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 some celebrations can create unpleasant experiences for the
hosts
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, there are several solutions to decrease negative effects and make the time memorable for everyone.

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grammar
Use short, easy sentences. Break long lines into two parts.
content
Add one clear example for each point to show why it matters.
cohesion
Use easy linking words like and, but, also, so, then to connect ideas.
structure
Keep plan simple: intro, two body paragraphs, and a short conclusion.
accuracy
Check small spelling and word use to avoid mistakes.
content
The idea that money is a problem in big events is clear.
structure
The plan uses two sides and a closing view, which helps form the idea.
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