IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

some people think that the best way to reduce crime is to give longer prison sentences. other, however, believe there are better alternative ways of reducing crime. discuss both views and give your opinion?

#people #crime #prison #sentences #alternative
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Many individuals argue that
the
Correct article usage
apply
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extended prison
punishment
Use synonyms
 is the correct way to decrease crimes,
while
Linking Words
 I believe that
Linking Words
this methods
Change the determiner
this method
these methods
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 might affect
the
Correct article usage
apply
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potential
criminal
Fix the agreement mistake
criminals
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arise
Verb problem
apply
show examples
, it can negatively impact
to
Change preposition
apply
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the
Correct article usage
apply
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moral degradation in
the
Correct article usage
apply
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society
Use synonyms
. On the one hand, Increasing the
punishment
Use synonyms
 of staying in
the
Correct article usage
apply
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jail brings justice to the criminals, resulting in
the harmonise
Verb problem
harmony
show examples
 in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society
Use synonyms
. People
who
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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realise that the
sentences
Fix the agreement mistake
sentence
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 for stealing was 10
years
Use synonyms
instead
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 of 5
years
Use synonyms
 from the news publication. they might consider twice before
do
Change the verb form
doing
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harm
Replace the word
harmful
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 activities in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society
Use synonyms
.
For example
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,
Chinese
Correct article usage
the Chinese
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 government
rose
Verb problem
raised
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 the sentence for drug dealers to 20
years
Use synonyms
 in 2020. causing the reduction of drug sellers in China by 25% in the following year.
Therefore
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, I contend that
this
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 is highly beneficial to be implemented as
this
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 may reduce the potential crimes in the future.
On the other hand
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, unacceptance in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society
Use synonyms
 might occur, if the authority
implement
Change the verb form
implements
show examples
the
Correct article usage
an
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 extended period of
punishment
Use synonyms
to
Change preposition
for
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 the criminal, resulting
to
Change preposition
in
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
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conflict in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society
Use synonyms
. People might show the refusement since
put
Wrong verb form
putting
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 people longer in the jails
disregard
Correct subject-verb agreement
disregards
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the
Correct article usage
apply
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humanity. Many individuals
who stealing
Wrong verb form
steal
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 some
foods
Fix the agreement mistake
food
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due to
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 lack of money and
unemployed
Replace the word
unemployment
show examples
,
making
Verb problem
putting
show examples
 them in
the
Correct article usage
a
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 difficult position and
ended
Wrong verb form
end
show examples
 up stealing.
For instance
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, the massive
demonstration
Fix the agreement mistake
demonstrations
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 in the
street
Fix the agreement mistake
streets
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 of England because of the Judicial plan to increase the minimum sentence for stealing to 8
years
Use synonyms
, resulting in traffic, and
disrupt
Wrong verb form
disrupting
show examples
 the economy.
Linking Words
However
Add a comma
However,
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 I believe that if the government increase the sentence with
rasionalism
Correct your spelling
rationalism
 and
involving
Wrong verb form
involves
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 many stakeholders in the
society
Use synonyms
,
this
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 might be able to prevent. In conclusion,
increase
Wrong verb form
increasing
show examples
 the
punishment
Use synonyms
 for
extended
Add an article
an extended
show examples
 period might decline the newer
criminal
Fix the agreement mistake
criminals
show examples
 which I believe
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
surpasses the disadvantage, but it
also
Linking Words
disrupt
Change the verb form
disrupts
show examples
 moral
society
Use synonyms
. If possible,
Add an article
the authority
show examples
authority
Fix the agreement mistake
authorities
show examples
 should implement the law judiciously to mitigate the negative impact on
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society
Use synonyms
.
Submitted by wildannuraiman on

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introduction conclusion present
Your introductory paragraph clearly presents the topic but can be sharpened to more directly summarize the contrasting views you discuss. Make sure your thesis statement clearly reflects your own view.
logical structure
Improve coherence by ensuring that each paragraph starts with a clear topic sentence that ties back to your thesis statement.
supported main points
While the response covers both perspectives adequately, ensure that each point is fully explored and linked back to the main argument.
relevant specific examples
You provided relevant examples, such as the change in drug sentencing in China and the public demonstrations in England, to support your points.
complete response
You discussed both sides of the argument, offering a balanced view of the issue.
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