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Writing Samples
Band 7.5

You should spend about 40 minutes on this task. In many countries, the number of people suffering from stress is increasing. What do you think are the causes of this problem and what measures could be taken to tackle it? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience. Write at least 250 words.

#minutes #countries #people #stress #measures
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Many people who live in society nowadays are suffering from mental issues, and the trend has become more significant than before. I will discuss the factors of
this
 phenomenon and use my relevant experience to give my opinion about the possible solutions. First of all,
it is clear that
 citizens who are living in urban areas have higher stress levels since they are living in busy and rushed environments. Under
this
 condition, humans become more alert and nervous because of the general atmosphere.
As a result
, nervousness will lead a person to high pressure and pose a risk of depression.
Although
 I am not an expert on any medical subjects, I can give my humble opinion on the potential ways to solve these problems from my own experience.
Firstly
, if one can have more time to spend on leisure activities,
then
this
 person would be able to alleviate their stress significantly.
This
 means that the government has the responsibility to design policies
particularly
Add the comma(s)
, particularly
show examples
 for destressing to tackle mental health issues.
For example
, letting citizens have the right to get off on time and
also
 forbidding enterprises from asking their workers to work overtime would be an effective solution.
Also
, if the workers could have longer weekends, they would have time for entertainment as well.
To conclude
, because most mental health problems are subtle, they are hard to detect or predict.
Therefore
, policymakers should take them more seriously and observe the country in a meticulous way. By doing so, it can prevent more people from dying
due to
 these issues.
Submitted by jamexhuang on

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task achievement
Ensure that examples provided are specific and directly support the main points. This will strengthen your argument and make it more compelling.
task achievement
Consider expanding on the solutions by discussing potential challenges or barriers these solutions might face and how they can be overcome.
coherence cohesion
Your essay has a good introduction and conclusion. However, try connecting ideas more seamlessly between paragraphs with linking phrases or sentences.
coherence cohesion
Your essay is well-structured with clear paragraphs for introduction and conclusion.
task achievement
You identified key causes of stress effectively and suggested relevant solutions.
coherence cohesion
You maintained a good logical progression of ideas, making your arguments easy to follow.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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