In some countries owning a home rather than renting one is considered very important. What are the causes of this? Is this a positive or negative development?

A lot of
people
consider having a personal
home
is better than renting
one
in the world in recent years. There are some reasons to express
this
trend, and I believe
this
is an excellent development. Two reasons can explain why owning a
home
is considered very important in some countries. Traditional thinking is the main reason. In Taiwan, old
people
consider having a
house
that means a man is able to create his family. Renting
one
means homelessness.
Thus
, they always teach their boys the need to buy a
house
by themselves.
In addition
, having a personal
house
makes
people
feel safe. They do not need to worry about living in a place where owners may finish the contract whenever they want. Owing a
home
brings many positive developments.
For example
, young
people
would build a good psychological value. They would figure out that owning a
house
is very good for their living standard.
Moreover
, they know they cannot rely on their parents to buy their
house
. They have to do their best to own
one
by themselves. The most important development is shortening the rich and poor in some countries. When everyone can have their own
house
means
people
’s profit increases higher average.
To sum up
,
people
think owning a
home
rather than renting
one
is important because
people
hold the traditional thinking and they feel safe if they have their
house
. It brings good developments because
people
can build a good psychological value and
reducing
Wrong verb form
reduce
show examples
the rich and poor in some countries.
Submitted by pobbywang on

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coherence cohesion
Ensure a clear logical structure by organizing paragraphs effectively and using a range of cohesive devices appropriate to the task. Aim to present ideas in a logical order, making the progression of your argument easy to follow.
coherence cohesion
Include a clear introduction that sets the context and a conclusion that summarizes the main points. Remember that the conclusion should not introduce new information.
coherence cohesion
Develop main points with specific supporting examples or explanations. Each paragraph should have a clear main idea and be developed thoroughly.
task achievement
Address all parts of the task. The essay should cover all the aspects of the question asked. Identify the causes of the importance given to home-ownership and discuss its positive or negative developments with clarity.
task achievement
Present ideas clearly and develop them comprehensively. Your writing should convey your ideas in a way that is complete and shows a full understanding of the topic.
task achievement
Use relevant and specific examples to support your points. These examples should be well chosen and clearly connected to the point you are making.

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For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • cultural norms
  • symbol of success
  • long-term investment
  • financial security
  • asset appreciation
  • personal autonomy
  • modify surroundings
  • social significance
  • tax deductions
  • generational wealth
  • community engagement
  • housing bubble
  • real estate market
  • economic stability
  • mortgage financing
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