Some people think that governments should ban dangerous sports, while others think people should have freedom to do any sports or activity. Discuss both views and give your own opinion
Some
argues
that the government should stop Change the verb form
argue
people
in
doing dangerous Change preposition
from
sports
while
others believe that individuals should have their own choice to do it freely. Banning this kind
of Fix the agreement mistake
these kinds
activities
will promote safety
within the community as well as
limit the opportunities for people
to do extreme sports
.
To begin
with, completely stopping extreme sports
will increase the safety
of the people
and the community. If this
is implemented, it will lessen the possibilities
of acquiring injuries on the road and streets. Fix the agreement mistake
possibility
For instance
, one of the dangerous sports
includes skateboarding, this
is an injury-prone activity, Correct pronoun usage
which
furthermore
, individuals can easily suffer from fractures or even head injury
which are serious conditions especially if Fix the agreement mistake
injuries
people
are hard-headed and do it on the streets or highways. As a result
, road accidents which involves
drivers and skateboarders will decrease Change the verb form
involve
as well as
promoting
road Wrong verb form
promote
safety
.
Conversely
, some will be devastated when the government approves this
,
because Remove the comma
apply
this
will not only remove the chance for others to experience high-adrenaline sports
but also
affects
some businesses which are involved in executing these Correct subject-verb agreement
affect
activities
. Moreover
, these days, new generations are into activities
that will hype them up like cliff diving and bunjee
jumping and completely stopping it will Correct your spelling
bungee
loose
their opportunities. Replace the word
lose
Additionally
, this
will cause loss
of income to companies that established a location for Correct article usage
a loss
sports
like this
, and if unfortunate, in the end
will lead to Add the comma(s)
end,
closure
of businesses.
In conclusion, if the Add an article
the closure
authority
banned dangerous Fix the agreement mistake
authorities
activities
, this
will
demonstrate more Wrong verb form
would
safety
on
both the Change preposition
for
people
and the environment. However
, I believe that doing this
will provide more negative results such
as hindering people
to try and experience
adrenaline-rush Wrong verb form
experiencing
sports
as well as
affecting small and huge companies' income.Submitted by cng123 on
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task achievement
To improve the task response, try to expand on your ideas with more specific examples or details. For instance, provide an example from a specific sport or incident that highlights the benefits of banning dangerous sports or allowing freedom of choice.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that your ideas are clearly presented and developed throughout the essay. Consider using transition words to guide the reader through your points more seamlessly, enhancing overall coherence. This will help in creating a more logical flow between sentences and paragraphs.
task achievement
While you have presented a balanced view, ensure that both perspectives are equally elaborated. Consider developing the paragraph against the ban more comprehensively with examples to provide deeper insights.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, with a well-presented stance that discusses both sides of the argument effectively.
coherence cohesion
There is a good use of structured paragraphs, each addressing a specific point of view, which helps to maintain focus and clarity throughout the essay.
Your opinion
Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.
If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.
Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.
Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:
...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?