The prevention of health problems and illness is more important than treatment and medicine. Government funding should reflect this. To what extent do you agree?

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
In many countries, government spending on healthcare is a major economic burden. Problems like obesity and heart disease are crippling healthcare systems, and some
people
suggest that rather than raise taxes to pay for treatments, more money should be invested in preventing these illnesses in the first place.
This
essay will argue that prevention is better than treatment. The most obvious benefit of putting prevention before treatment is the reduction in human suffering that would inevitably result. Some of the biggest health problems in modern societies are utterly preventable, and
therefore
it is reasonable to suggest that money spent
this
way would cause less anguish. Government campaigns to reduce smoking would reduce cancer rates and
this
would increase
people
’s quality of life, and of
course
Add a comma
course,
show examples
end the suffering of
people
who lose loved ones. From a purely financial standpoint, it is beneficial to focus on preventing sickness rather than curing it. The cost of treating sick
people
with expensive medical procedures, equipment, and medicines is vastly higher than the cost of educating
people
not to smoke, eat unhealthily, or
otherwise
lead unhealthy lifestyles. Government campaigns have led to huge decreases in smoking in many Western countries, and it is likely that similar campaigns would yield similar results
elsewhere
. An additional benefit would be the lowering of taxes
due to
reduced expenditure on healthcare. In conclusion, preventing a disease makes more sense than waiting to treat it. The benefits to average
people
and
also
to governments are significantly higher than simply investing in treatments.
Submitted by kk1994 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
Consider providing more specific examples to strengthen your argument. For example, mention specific government campaigns or studies that demonstrate the effectiveness of prevention.
coherence cohesion
Ensure each paragraph has a clear topic sentence to enhance the logical flow of your essay.
task achievement
The essay presents a clear and well-structured response to the task.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion effectively frame the discussion, providing a strong opening and closure.
coherence cohesion
The essay logically progresses through the argument, making it easy to follow.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: