IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Nowadays, the way many people interact with each other has changed because of technology. In what ways has technology affected the types of relationship people make? Has this become a positive or negative development?

#people #technology #relationship #become #development
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
With the advancement of
technology
, nowadays, the form of interaction between
people
 has changed significantly.
This
 phenomenon has an advantage and disadvantages side that affect the type of human relationships. The advantages that come with the existence of
technology
 is it can simplify the effort to interact with other
people
. It can be seen that there are numerous new social media and messaging applications that allow
people
 to connect with others without having to do a face-to-face meeting.
Furthermore
, the existence of
technology
 as a platform for
people
also
 makes a significant impact on work relationships. It enables society to work remotely without having to interact personally.
In addition
, it
also
 helps the
people
 who live far from their families to strengthen bonds and make a meaningful conversation.
However
,
this
 phenomenon
also
 leads to a negative side
on
Change preposition
of
show examples
 the social skills of the
people
. With the presence of easy access to
communication
 in online platforms, the skill to socialise and communicate with others in real life can be affected negatively.
For instance
, note a few
people
 who drown on online platforms tend to find difficulty interacting with other
people
 in real life. They show a decline in
communication
 skills that can lead them to
having
Change the verb form
have
show examples
 a hard time in real life. In conclusion,
although
 the existence of
technology
 can be helpful in facilitating
communication
 platforms for
people
, I believe it is still important to maintain interaction and
communication
 face-to-face to enhance social
skill
Fix the agreement mistake
skills
show examples
 to survive in the real world.
Submitted by salwaputrihardiyan on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
Expand on the examples related to both the positive and negative effects of technology on relationships. Including specific scenarios or studies could strengthen your argument.
coherence cohesion
Improve the logical flow between paragraphs by using more varied linking words or phrases. This will help in presenting your ideas more smoothly.
language
Be careful with minor language inaccuracies (e.g., "advantages side" should be "advantageous side"). While they don't majorly affect understanding, they can slightly impact the clarity.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, effectively framing the discussion.
task achievement
The response addresses both the positive and negative impacts of technology on relationships, showing balanced analysis.
task achievement
The main points discussed are relevant to the topic and provide a good basis for discussion.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • virtual relationships
  • social media
  • messaging apps
  • online dating platforms
  • remote work
  • global collaboration
  • family dynamics
  • constant contact
  • in-person interaction
  • physical presence
What to do next:
Look at other essays: