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Writing Samples /
Band 6

Some people believe that old buildings should be protected by law. Others, however, think that they should be replaced by new buildings. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion

#people #buildings #law
There have been diverse arguments on whether old
buildings
 should be preserved or substituted with new
buildings
. I am of the opinion that old
buildings
 should be preserved because they represent a significant cultural
value
 that cannot be replaced.
Firstly
, these houses serve as a tangible reminder of the towns they are located in, allowing future generations to connect with their history.
In addition
, preserving old
buildings
 can help maintain the identity of a region and attract tourists in different
way
Fix the agreement mistake
ways
show examples
.
For instance
, old towns and their medieval structures are often the main tourist attractions in most countries because of the cultural heritage and
value
 inherent in
it
Correct pronoun usage
them
show examples
.
In addition
, the architectural styles in these
buildings
 over time reflect the aesthetic abilities of mankind and the technology in materials and construction methods, minor the level of scientific advancements in these civilizations.
Morever
Correct your spelling
Moreover
, being able to generate sacred events in these structures can generate income, thereby covering the cost of maintenance.
Hence
, it allows descendants the chance to learn their identity and
instill
Change the spelling
instil
show examples
 national pride.
For example
, the yearly Ogun festival reminds the descendants of their ancestral history and sacrifices. In my opinion,
while
 modernization and development are important, preserving old
buildings
 should be prioritized, particularly when they hold significant historical or cultural
value
.
Therefore
, towns should make sure to enforce the rich culture. In conclusion, both protecting old
buildings
 and constructing new ones have their merits.
However
, I am of the opinion that preserving old
buildings
 is a reflection of our culture and heritage.
Also
, sacred events organized in
this
 infrastructure can boost the economic
value
.
Submitted by m.bunmifausat on

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coherence
Ensure a clear organizational structure. Start each paragraph with a clear topic sentence that indicates the main point of the paragraph. This will enhance readability and coherence.
task response
Expand the discussion on the counter-argument. Even though you supported one side, providing a balanced discussion by elaborating why some people advocate for replacing old buildings with new ones can enrich your essay.
cohesion
Include more varied sentence structures and transition words to improve the flow between ideas and paragraphs.
task response
The essay adequately discussed both sides of the argument and provided relevant examples to support the main points.
introduction conclusion
The conclusion aligns well with the introduction and effectively wraps up the discussion.
language
The essay exhibits a good command of grammar and vocabulary, with only minor inaccuracies that do not impede comprehension.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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