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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Write an essay on the following topics (at least 250 words). Every year large numbers of people migrate from one country to another for different reasons. Discuss the advantages and disadvantages of migration for the individual and for society as a whole.

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In the present world,
migration
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 is a global phenomenon that has been occurring for centuries. Every year, millions of
people
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 move from one country to another for various reasons
such
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 as better job opportunities, education, and improved quality of life.
While
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migration
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 offers several benefits for individuals and society, it
also
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 comes with several challenges.
This
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 essay will discuss both the advantages and disadvantages of
migration
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. There are many advantages to migrating to a new place or developed country. The main reason behind
people
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 migrating is a search for better job opportunities.
For instance
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, as reported by RONB, in developing
countries
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 like Nepal and Bhutan, yearly around 50-60,000
people
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 leave their
countries
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.
In addition
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,
people
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 leave their
countries
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 for an improved quality of life. Many developed
countries
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 have better education, health care systems, and more secure lives. To illustrate,
countries
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 like the U.S.A. and the U.K. are
countries
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 with high literacy rates and the best health care systems.
Therefore
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, many
people
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 travel to different nations to make their lives easier and more effective.
On the other hand
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, increasing
migration
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 comes with some problems for individuals and society. The main drawback is a communication barrier between
people
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.
People
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traveling
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travelling
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 to new places, if they do not have knowledge of the local language of the area, do not get better jobs, which eventually makes
individuals'
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individuals
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 lives worse.
Furthermore
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, a surging amount of immigrants leads to strain on public services. Governments have to look after the migrated
people
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, which optimally needs more economic resources;
this
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 puts pressure on authorities. In conclusion,
although
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 migrating to new
countries
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 comes with better career access and improved quality of life, we cannot ignore the drawbacks that come with it.
Thus
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, to resolve these problems, authorities should enforce better rules and regulations.

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task achievement
Try to expand your examples with more specific details or statistics to provide a clearer picture.
coherence and cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph has a strong topic sentence that clearly relates to the thesis statement, which will help guide your reader.
coherence and cohesion
Link ideas within and between paragraphs more explicitly using connectors to improve flow and clarity.
content
You have effectively outlined both the advantages and disadvantages of migration, demonstrating an understanding of the topic.
content
The introduction presents a clear thesis statement, setting up the structure of the essay well.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Remittances: Transfers of money by foreign workers to individuals in their home country.
  • Brain Drain: The emigration of highly trained or intelligent people from a particular country.
  • Cultural Enrichment: The positive addition of diverse cultural elements to a society.
  • Cultural Clash: When differing cultural values and beliefs conflict.
  • Social Tensions: The negative effects on social relationships due to differences.
  • Labor Market: The supply of available workers in relation to available work.
  • Economic Growth: The increase in the amount of goods and services produced per head of the population over a period of time.
  • Unemployment: The state of being without a job despite being willing to work.
  • Underemployment: The underuse of a worker because a job does not use the worker's skills or is part-time.
  • Personal Growth: The process of improving oneself through such activities as enhancing employment skills, increasing consciousness, and building wealth.
  • Social Isolation: A state in which an individual lacks a sense of social belonging or engagement with others.
  • Public Services: Services provided by the government to its citizens.
  • Resource Allocation: The distribution of resources among competing groups or programs.
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