IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

In many countries people have to pay for medical care, but some think that it should be a free service provided by the government. To what extent do you agree or disagree? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge and experience.

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Many people in the world are currently unable to afford private healthcare because of its high price.
While
Linking Words
 many believe that it is a personal expense, others argue that medical costs should be paid by the state. In my perspective, every human being as a taxpayer should be given free medical
treatments
Fix the agreement mistake
treatment
show examples
 because of the two reasons below. First of all, health is a basic human right and,
therefore
Linking Words
, it is the
state
Change noun form
state's
show examples
 responsibility to provide it, particularly when
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
one does not have the means to
.
Add a missing verb
do.
show examples
 An unhealthy person may lose the
hability
Correct your spelling
ability
 to work, to take care of themselves and even lose
its
Correct pronoun usage
their
show examples
 dignity.
Besides
Linking Words
 that, it is not a choice to be sick and it will happen multiple times in everyone´s life. It is cruel for the government to ignore
this
Linking Words
 individual when it is in most need, even though it might compromise an important share of the internal finances.
Additionally
Linking Words
, states that do not take care of their civilians are intended to end with higher rates of sickness and less workforce.
In other words
Linking Words
, the more ill a population is, the less it is able to produce and
to
Fix the infinitive
apply
show examples
pay taxes.
For instance
Linking Words
, countries that do not have public vaccination campaigns tend to have a lower average mortality age and,
consequently
Linking Words
, a low percentual of working people and
lower
Correct article usage
a lower
show examples
 pace of public development.
To conclude
Linking Words
, from my perspective, governments should be responsible
to pay
Change preposition
for paying
show examples
 for the health treatments of
its
Correct pronoun usage
their
show examples
 population since it is a basic human right and
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
contributes to internal growth. Putting finances above life is cruel and should not be supported.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Language Usage
Consider varying sentence structure to maintain reader engagement. Use compound and complex sentences to add depth and variety to your writing style.
Task Achievement
While your main points are generally well-supported, adding a specific example with data or a real-world reference could strengthen your argument further.
Coherence and Cohesion
The essay has a clear and organized structure with a strong introduction and conclusion, effectively framing the writer’s viewpoint.
Task Achievement
The response addresses all parts of the task with clear reasoning and consistent development of ideas.
Coherence and Cohesion
Logical flow of ideas is maintained throughout the essay, making it easy to follow and understand the argument.
Task Achievement
The arguments are comprehensively developed and supported, showing a thorough understanding of the topic.
What to do next:
Look at other essays: