The bar chart below shows the percentage participation of men in senior development in three companies between 1980 and the year 2010 . Summaries the information by selecting and reporting in the main features, make comparisons where relevant .

The bar chart below shows the percentage participation of men in senior development in three companies between 1980 and the year 2010 . 

Summaries the information by selecting and reporting in the main features, make comparisons where relevant .
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The bar graphs demonstrate the
ratio
of people who participated in senior
development
activity in the given organisations over a
period
of 30 years.
Overall
, the
men
's percentage of participation in these companies increased throughout the
period
, except for Apple, which experienced fluctuation in terms of the percentage of people who took part; specifically, IBM illustrated the high numbers
at the end
.
To begin
, the percentage of
men
's participation
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
this
development
activity in IDM was the lowest at the beginning with approximately 3%,
whereas
Apple showed that it was the most popular organisation among developers by illustrating about 15% of participated
men
, and the
ratio
of
men
in Microsoft was below 10%. After, in 1995, we can see that all three companies experienced a rise in the
ratio
of participation of developers, IBM's
ratio
increased dramatically by around 22%,
while
others showed no significant rise just by roughly 9%.
Next,
we can notice that the proportion of people who participated in senior
development
in
Change preposition
at
show examples
IBM has rapidly risen from about 25% in 1995 to over 60% in 2010, which is the best result
at
Change preposition
in
show examples
the
ending
Replace the word
end
show examples
.
Moreover
, it is
also
noticeable that Microsoft has become popular among senior developers, rising by approximately 30% from
at
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the same
period
of time, unlike Apple which has taken an improvement
about
Change preposition
of about
show examples
just 3% of participating individuals who are interested in senior
development
at the end
of the given
period
.
Submitted by erkasiet2008 on

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "at the end".
Vocabulary: Replace the words ratio, development, period, men with synonyms.
Vocabulary: The word "give" was used 2 times.
Vocabulary: The word "showed" was used 2 times.
Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 3 times.
Vocabulary: The word "ratio" was used 4 times.
Vocabulary: The word "increased" was used 2 times.
Vocabulary: The word "rise" was used 2 times.
Vocabulary: The word "approximately" was used 2 times.
Vocabulary: The word "about" was used 3 times.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • percentage participation
  • senior development roles
  • observed trends
  • notable increases/decreases
  • significant changes
  • consistency over time
  • influencing factors
  • industry shifts
  • socio-economic factors
  • comparison of data
  • similarities and differences
  • overall trends
  • implications
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