IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people think that success in life comes from hard-work and determination while others think that there are more important factors such as money and appearance, Discuss both views and give your opinion.

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What does being
sucessful
Correct your spelling
successful
 mean? does it mean having a lot of
money
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? or
do
Correct subject-verb agreement
does
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 it mean having an outstanding career?
Success
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 can come in different forms depending on how one is born. Some
people
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 are born rich
while
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other
Fix the agreement mistake
others
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 are born poor. It is true that
people
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 who are born with a good financial situation have an easier way to
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success
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succeed
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.
However
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,
this
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 doesn't mean
people
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 who are born poor cannot climb their way to
success
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.  It is well known that being rich
have
Correct subject-verb agreement
has
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 its many
adventages
Correct your spelling
advantages
 and can make life easier.
First,
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having
money
Use synonyms
 makes you more relaxed and free the space in one's mind that's taken by the stress of not having
money
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.
Therefore
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,
people
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 with
money
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 are more likely to have a clear mind and better concentration. They can focus on what they're doing without having to worry about
money
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. Even if they are working on making more
money
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, they still don't have to worry if they lose some.
Correct pronoun usage
This
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Which
Correct pronoun usage
This
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 takes it to the second part, having
money
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 gives you the
Correct your spelling
advantage
adventage
Correct your spelling
advantage
 of investing and having
Correct article usage
apply
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a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
Correct your spelling
steady
stedy
Correct your spelling
steady
 capital for a business.
Also
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, it doesn't matter if their business or investment fails, they still can cover the
loses
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losses
show examples
 and try again.
People
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 who are born poor are usually stressed about making
money
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.
This
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 type of stress actually has its own
adventages
Correct your spelling
advantages
.
First,
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it motivates
people
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 to do whatever it takes to make
money
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.
Therefore
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, they tend to work harder than rich
people
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. Working hard can indeed lead to financial independence which rich
people
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 are lucky to
born
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be born
show examples
 with. In conclusion, even though poor
people
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 tend to work harder,
and
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
rich
people
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 are less likely to work as hard. Both can reach financial independence.
Thus
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, we should always remember that it does not matter how much
money
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 you've got or
you
Correct pronoun usage
what you
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 have been born with. Without
hard-work
Correct your spelling
hard work
show examples
 and
determenation
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determination
,
success
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 will not be achieved.

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task achievement
To enhance task response, try to develop more relevant and specific examples to support your points. This will help in illustrating your arguments more vividly and effectively.
coherence cohesion
For coherence and cohesion, ensure that your essay flows smoothly by using clear transitions between paragraphs and ideas. This will help the reader follow your argument more effortlessly.
coherence cohesion
Your introduction and conclusion are well-presented, effectively framing the discussion topic and summarizing your opinion.
task achievement
You successfully presented both views in the discussion, maintaining a balanced perspective. This indicates a good understanding of the question.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Success factors
  • Hard work
  • Determination
  • Self-made individuals
  • Resilience
  • Problem-solving
  • Adaptability
  • Wealth
  • Opportunities
  • Networking
  • Societal biases
  • Perceptions
  • External circumstances
  • Luck
  • Self-discipline
  • Meritocracy
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