IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

Some people believe world poverty can be solved by the governments of rich countries giving large amounts of money to the governments of poor countries. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

In
this
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 day and age, many people argue that in order to address world hunger and impoverishment, the authorities of rich nations can give a large sum of money to the governments of poorer ones. From my point of view, I disagree with
this
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 opinion and the following essay is going to strengthen my view. One of the most prominent reasons for poverty is the inadequacy of training and knowledge. Simply put, education can provide a country with an elite workforce to keep up with the fast pace of economic progression.
Thus
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, the lack of education results in the fact that people do not have enough skills and knowledge to compete in the current market, making them unable to have a high salary to afford necessities and pay their bills.
For example
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, in Africa,
although
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 there are several mineral mines around the continent, a huge part of the population still faces hunger and poverty because they do not have the knowledge to operate machines in order to mine these substances.
Moreover
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, the source of impoverishment is not rooted in financial struggles, but rather in the inadequacy of access to a proper healthcare system.
This
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 is because, without a healthcare system and social welfare, citizens would be vulnerable to diseases,
thus
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 limiting their abilities to compete in the labour market to make improvements to the economy.
Hence
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, they would not be able to increase their living standards to afford a better life.
For instance
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,
although
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 there are several financial aids sent to Africa, a large part of
this
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 continent still faces impoverishment
due to
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 unhygienic lifestyles. In conclusion, poverty cannot be solved by transferring money from affluent countries to third-world nations since the causes of
this
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 problem are not
lying
Verb problem
apply
show examples
in the lack of financial funds, but in other reasons
such
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 as the lack of education or improper healthcare systems.

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task achievement
Expand your explanation on why education and healthcare are more critical than financial aid. You could elaborate on how direct financial aid might be mismanaged or lack impact without proper structural changes.
task achievement
Consider including counterarguments to address opposing views, then refute them to strengthen your position.
coherence cohesion
Ensure every paragraph transitions smoothly by linking ideas more explicitly where necessary. Think about how one idea leads naturally to the next.
task achievement
The essay clearly presents the argument, sticking to the main topic, and gives a relevant point of view. Your response is thoughtful and addresses the question directly.
coherence cohesion
The logical structure is clear, and each paragraph has a central focus, making the essay easy to follow. You've included both an introduction and a conclusion, which wrap the essay nicely.
task achievement
You provide specific examples to support your claims, such as mentioning Africa's situation and illustrating your ideas effectively.
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