More and more people are moving away from agriculture background to relocate to cities in order to look for work. What will be the consequences of this. What solutions can you offer.

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There
have
Correct subject-verb agreement
has
show examples
been an increasing number of
people
moving from agricultural areas to the city
due to
better job opportunities.
This
essay will discuss the implications of
this
issue, which are undeveloped rural areas and lack of
skillful
Change the spelling
skilful
show examples
workers in agriculture, and the most suitable solutions are enhancing infrastructure evenly and
by
Change preposition
apply
show examples
implementing online schooling. On the
one
hand, the main consequence that occurs from urbanization is abandoned countryside. Because of the impact of globalization, moving to the bigger
cities
has become a rising trend among a big portion of village citizens.
One
out of every two
people
aims to develop and looks for grinding career potential, which they find in crowded
cities
.
Hence
,
lack
Correct article usage
a lack
show examples
of facilities in villages happens. To illustrate, in places
such
as Talgar or Shelek in the Almaty region population decreases by
one
-fifth annually and in the city statistics vice versa.
Secondly
,
such
decline
Correct article usage
a decline
show examples
might be the primary reason for worse quality agricultural products. As the majority of
people
have been relocated far from farming zones, there could occur problems regarding finding proper specialists.
As a result
, beginners / postgraduates who do not have any experience might be enrolled.
Consequently
, the circumstances and
treat
Replace the word
treatment
show examples
may impact the final product, maybe even determine it.
On the other hand
, there are viable solutions addressed to
this
topic.
One
of them is to build
equitable
Correct article usage
an equitable
show examples
structure through the whole region and have several cores
instead
of
one
center. So that no matter what part of the city, there will be an abundance of amenities where
people
can find suitable jobs or even
do
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
not leave their background - agriculture.
Subsequently
, it could have an outsized influence on farming efficiency.
For example
, Switzerland has equally advanced regions, so many industries are still being used productively and providing
work places
Correct your spelling
workplaces
show examples
for locals. Second of all, we are living in the
last
cutting edge
Add a hyphen
cutting-edge
show examples
technology century and
mostly
Correct your spelling
most of
show examples
our commitments are digitalised.
Therefore
,
this
advantage could be used for the benefit of educating. Many professionals may be able to provide online lessons for enhancing awareness in the sphere of cultivation and helping to gain new
experience
Fix the agreement mistake
experiences
show examples
for future workers.
For instance
, doctors making surgery just through video
call
Fix the agreement mistake
calls
show examples
and
rely
Wrong verb form
relying
show examples
on the latest data,
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
saved 2 million lives of
people
in Asia only. So,
such
a technique could be implemented in agriculture.
To sum up
, the high rate of urbanized
cities
and
deficiency
Correct article usage
the deficiency
show examples
of specialists are the primary consequences of
this
case, and the most potentially beneficial solutions are through reconstructing
cities
and using online apps / services.
Submitted by erkasiet2008 on

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task achievement
While the essay provides a solid understanding of the topic, an even deeper exploration of the consequences and solutions could offer a more complete discussion.
coherence cohesion
Ensure each paragraph flows logically from one to the next, utilizing clear linking phrases. This will enhance the coherence of the essay.
task achievement
Include more specific examples or data to support your points, which will elevate the arguments presented.
task achievement
The essay offers a complete response to the topic with clear ideas and comprehensive insights into the issue.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are both present, clearly outlining and summarizing the topic and main points.
coherence cohesion
The essay is organized with a logical structure, where points are developed clearly within paragraphs.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Urban migration
  • Rural depopulation
  • Workforce allocation
  • Infrastructure strain
  • Economic disparity
  • Environmental degradation
  • Traditional practices
  • Cultural heritage
  • Employment opportunities
  • Agricultural decline
  • Food production
  • Overpopulation
  • Pollution levels
  • Industrial activity
What to do next:
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