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Writing Samples
Band 7.5

In many countries schools have severe problems with students behavior. What do you think are the reasons for this? What solution can be suggest?

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Introduction
It is true that in some parts of the world,
students
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 misbehave in many situations,
such
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 as in school or at home. There are several reasons behind
this
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 problem like
parents
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 and
teachers
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 acting, but there are some steps that can be used to tackle
this
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 issue.
Body · 1
In my opinion, three main factors are to blame for the way young people act.
Firstly
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,
parents
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' methods for disciplining them are weak nowadays, since some
parents
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 do not punish their children for any mistakes they make and they are too easygoing.
Secondly
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,
teachers
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 in schools are not strict enough in classrooms and do not manage the quality of the teaching process.
Then
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,
students
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 will not succeed in their social life or academic life too.
Finally
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, celebrities are not acting as role models.
For example
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, some children consider football players as role models and imitate what they are doing either positive or negative attitudes.
Body · 2
I believe that
students
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' behaviours can be improved if some changes are made.
Parents
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 need to be rougher if any mistake happens in front of them.
Also
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,
teachers
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 must apply punishments to
students
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 who misbehave in public,
for example
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, bullying others for their colour or sex. At the same time, celebrities must behave nicely in public.
Moreover
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, actors and football players must use proper language without using bad words.
Conclusion
In conclusion, Some people say that children have huge problems with behaviours,
however
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, there are some reasons behind it
such
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 as
parents
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 and
teachers
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. In my view, there are some solutions that need to be used for
this
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 issue,
such
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 as acting as a role model and being strict
parents
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.

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task achievement
Aim to include more specific examples or evidence to support your points, especially in the paragraph about the solutions. Real-life examples can strengthen your arguments.
coherence cohesion
Ensure each paragraph transitions smoothly to the next for an even more coherent flow. Consider using more linking phrases or sentences to improve transitions.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, which bookend the main body effectively.
task achievement
The main points are clear and relevant, addressing both the reasons for student misbehaviour and potential solutions.
coherence cohesion
The structure of the essay is logical, with each paragraph addressing a separate point.
Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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