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Writing Samples
Band 7

In many countries children are engaged in some kind of paid work. Some people regard this as completely wrong while others consider it as valuable work experience. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

#countries #children #work #people
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In many countries,
children
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 take part in paid
work
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.
While
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 some people think
this
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 is completely wrong, others believe it provides valuable experience and skills. Both views have strong arguments. Those who oppose
children
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 working argue that it can harm their development. Childhood should be a time for learning and personal growth, and
work
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 may interfere with education.
For example
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,
children
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 who
work
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 long hours might not have enough time or energy to focus on their studies.
This
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 could limit their opportunities in the future.
Additionally
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, some jobs can be unsafe or physically demanding, putting
children
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’s health at risk. Opponents
also
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 worry about exploitation, as
children
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 may be underpaid or mistreated in workplaces. These concerns lead many to believe that
children
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 should not be involved in paid
work
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.
On the other hand
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, supporters of
children
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 working argue that it can provide valuable life experience. Paid
work
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 helps
children
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 develop skills
such
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 as time management, teamwork, and responsibility.
For instance
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, part-time jobs like babysitting or working in a shop can teach
children
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 how to handle money and deal with people.
Moreover
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, earning money gives
children
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 a sense of independence and achievement. As long as the
work
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 is safe and does not interfere with their education, supporters believe it can prepare
children
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 for adult life. In my opinion, paid
work
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 for
children
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 can be beneficial if managed properly. The
work
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 should be suitable for their age and not affect their studies. Light, part-time jobs can teach important skills and build confidence.
However
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, strict rules should ensure
children
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 are not exploited or put in harmful situations. In conclusion,
while
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 paid
work
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 can have risks, it can
also
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 be a positive experience for
children
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 if done responsibly. Proper balance and supervision are key to making it a valuable part of their growth.
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task achievement
To further enhance task achievement, consider providing more detailed examples and elaborating on the consequences of both views presented.
coherence cohesion
For better cohesion, work on creating smoother transitions between ideas using linking words or phrases. This will help the essay flow more naturally.
introduction conclusion present
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, effectively framing the discussion on the topic.
supported main points
You presented a balanced view of both sides of the argument, touching on several key points for each perspective.
introduction conclusion present
The conclusion effectively summarizes the key arguments and clearly states your opinion, providing a satisfactory ending to the essay.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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