IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 8

Smoking not only harms the smoker, but also those who are nearby. Therefore, smoking should be banned in public places. To what extent do you agree or disagree? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own experience or knowledge.

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Due to
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 the adverse effect of smoking on the community health, it is widely argued that smoking should be stopped in the public gathering areas. I totally agree with
this
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 idea because of the massive effect it has on human beings. In
this
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 essay, I will explain my thoughts followed by examples. To commence with, prohibiting smoking can save human life because of the side effects that may arise from it, solely to the persons who are smoking.
However
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, individuals near smokers are more influenced. The reason for the multiple effects is that cigarette smoke fills the inside, so to some extent, the residual damage will be less.
Moreover
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, some elderly people with chronic illnesses cannot tolerate the bad components of cigarette emissions;
this
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 would be harmful to them.
For example
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, in recent years, some countries acknowledged the
consequences
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 of smoking, thereby a lot of countries around the world tend to allocate special regions for smokers as airports or shopping malls. The reason behind categorizing smoking as a negative habit that needs to be banned is its
consequences
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 as it could lead to serious disorders that end with death. Some fatal diseases that result from it could be oral cancer, liver cirrhosis, or lung cancer.
Furthermore
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, treatment for ill patients will add a substantial burden on government health expenses. For that reason, most nations worldwide have taken actions toward reducing smoker percentages in their society in order to mitigate the possible
consequences
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.
For example
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, most recent studies published by WHO revealed that smoking is the major cause of high mortality rates in the world. In conclusion, I believe that smoking prohibition should be decreed in order to overcome the diseases that result from it and consume money
that is
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 utilized for treating patients who suffer from smoking
consequences
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to
Change preposition
in
show examples
 other sectors. I think passive smoking is more dangerous to people’s lives, not only affecting the smoker.

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enhancement
Although your response is complete, try to enhance clarity by varying sentence structures and avoiding overly complex sentences that might confuse the reader. This will make your arguments more comprehensible.
enhancement
While you used examples to strengthen your arguments, ensure they are directly linked to your main points. More specific examples or statistical data can provide stronger proof for your arguments.
task response
You have thoroughly addressed the task, providing a well-rounded discussion on why smoking should be banned in public places. This shows a high level of task achievement.
coherence cohesion
Your essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, which helps the reader understand your position and main arguments. This significantly improves cohesion.
coherence cohesion
The logical organization of ideas is apparent, and you transition effectively between points, which contributes to high coherence and clarity.
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