IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

Some people think most crimes are the result of circumstances like poverty and other social problems. Others believe that they are caused by people who are bad in nature. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

#people #crimes #circumstances #poverty #nature
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A considerable number of individuals are of the opinion that the majority of
crimes
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 are the result of circumstances
such
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 as poverty and some other social problems,
while
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 other
people
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 believe that they are caused by folks who are born with criminal tendencies.
This
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 essay will discuss both sides of the issue. I,
however
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, side with the first view. On the one hand, many
people
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 think situations like poverty and other social problems like inflation have influenced individuals to commit more
crimes
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. To put it another way, in today's world where inflation is at its peak,
people
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 are struggling to find jobs and
due to
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this
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, it is becoming difficult for
people
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 to manage their daily expenses.
This
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 might be one of the major reasons for the increase in crime rates.
For instance
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, Canada, one of the largest economies in the world has been in a recession since 2020 because of the COVID-19 pandemic,
people
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 are getting laid off from their current jobs, and eventually, there is a rise in crime rates. On the flip side, another pivotal aspect of the opinion is that bad
people
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 commit all the
crimes
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, which I feel is partially true.
In other words
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, the other points there are certain
people
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 in our society tending to commit
crimes
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 regardless of their situation.
For instance
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, it has been seen that aggressive mindsets and
people
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 with personality disorders are more likely to be involved in criminal acts like murders and
kidnapping
Fix the agreement mistake
kidnappings
show examples
.
Submitted by brishjot999 on

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task response
Your essay provides a clear response to the task and includes both views, but you could engage more critically with the arguments. Try to deepen your analysis of each viewpoint.
task response
While your essay is generally well-organized, the conclusion is missing. Summarize your points and restate your opinion at the end to reinforce your argument. This will improve coherence and cohesion.
coherence and cohesion
Use transition words to clearly link your body paragraphs and ideas. This will help guide the reader through your arguments more smoothly.
task response
Make sure your main points are well-supported with clear examples and explanations. Further elaboration would make your arguments stronger.
task response
Your introduction clearly outlines the topic and states your opinion, which sets a strong foundation for the essay.
task response
You have presented both sides of the argument, which shows a balanced approach to the task.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • socio-economic circumstances
  • poverty
  • lack of education
  • unemployment
  • illegal activities
  • desperation
  • social issues
  • exposure to violence
  • family structures
  • inherent
  • personality traits
  • lack of empathy
  • aggression
  • predilection for risk-taking
  • affluent backgrounds
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