Some people think that money is one of the most essential factors in promoting happiness. Do you think people can be ahppy without much money? What other factors contribute towards happiness?

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Today,

money

Use synonyms

is significant in life and many

people

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believe that we would be less happy without a lot of

money

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However

Linking Words

, in fact,

money

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is not all

things

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in life there are various

things

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to do to be glad. On the one hand, the concept of

happiness

Use synonyms

varies from person to person. There are

people

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who think without

money

Use synonyms

they live in misery

while

Linking Words

, some

people

Use synonyms

see that,

money

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is not important to make

happiness

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because their view of

happiness

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is different.

happiness

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is not just tangible

things

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but

also

Linking Words

spiritual

things

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that bring

happiness

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such

Linking Words

as love, feeling and humanity, there are many

people

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who feel happy with little details

such

Linking Words

as gifts or chocolate.

for example

Linking Words

, simple

people

Use synonyms

feel happy when we give them clothes or food.

On the other hand

Linking Words

, sometimes we see rich

people

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they unhappy all the time because they do not have enough conviction.

In contrast

Linking Words

, poor

people

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feel happy with the simplest

things

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because they look at

things

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in a moral sense, not as a value. Even though they do not have a lot of

money

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Also

Linking Words

, humans can achieve

happiness

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in many ways even

Correct word choice

apply

show examples

with simple

things

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For instance

Linking Words

, I remember when I met

together with

Linking Words

my family and we decided to have a party barbeque I felt so glad and we built beautiful unforgettable memories together. In conclusion, it is up to a person to choose

happiness

Use synonyms

or misery.

Money

Use synonyms

is just a means, but it is not everything.

waad.balubaidTue Dec 03 2024

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coherence cohesion

Use more transitional phrases to guide the reader through your arguments.

coherence cohesion

Present clearer topic sentences for each paragraph to enhance the logical structure.

task achievement

Expand on your examples to better illustrate your points.

task achievement

Clarify your stance more explicitly, especially in the introduction and conclusion.

task achievement

You included a relevant example about the family barbecue, which enhances understanding.

coherence cohesion

Your essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, which frames the discussion well.

task achievement

The essay discusses various factors contributing to happiness, not just money.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

9
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
4
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 6.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 8.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

250 words

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Some people think that money is one of the most essential factors in promoting happiness. Do you think people can be ahppy without much money? What other factors contribute towards happiness?

Your opinion

The best way to remove poverty in developing countries is to provide 6 years of free education to all children. So that they can read, write and use numbers agree or disagree

Many people use social media everyday to get in touch with other people and obtain the news.Do you think the advantages of this way outweigh the disadvantages?