Some people think that money is one of the most essential factors in promoting happiness. Do you think people can be ahppy without much money? What other factors contribute towards happiness?
Today,
money
is significant in life and many people
believe that we would be less happy without a lot of money
However
, in fact, money
is not all things
in life there are various things
to do to be glad.
On the one hand, the concept of happiness
varies from person to person. There are people
who think without money
they live in misery while
, some people
see that, money
is not important to make happiness
because their view of happiness
is different. happiness
is not just tangible things
but also
spiritual things
that bring happiness
such
as love, feeling and humanity, there are many people
who feel happy with little details such
as gifts or chocolate. for example
, simple people
feel happy when we give them clothes or food.
On the other hand
, sometimes we see rich people
they unhappy all the time because they do not have enough conviction. In contrast
, poor people
feel happy with the simplest things
because they look at things
in a moral sense, not as a value. Even though they do not have a lot of money
. Also
, humans can achieve happiness
in many ways even if
with simple Correct word choice
apply
things
. For instance
, I remember when I met together with
my family and we decided to have a party barbeque I felt so glad and we built beautiful unforgettable memories together.
In conclusion, it is up to a person to choose happiness
or misery. Money
is just a means, but it is not everything.Submitted by waad.balubaid on
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coherence cohesion
Use more transitional phrases to guide the reader through your arguments.
coherence cohesion
Present clearer topic sentences for each paragraph to enhance the logical structure.
task achievement
Expand on your examples to better illustrate your points.
task achievement
Clarify your stance more explicitly, especially in the introduction and conclusion.
task achievement
You included a relevant example about the family barbecue, which enhances understanding.
coherence cohesion
Your essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, which frames the discussion well.
task achievement
The essay discusses various factors contributing to happiness, not just money.
Your opinion
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