IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Scientific developments in farming always bring major benefits. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#developments
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Nowadays there have been many improvements by scientists in the field of farming.
Although
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 there are several aids of those advancements, I believe the damages of these developments outweigh from benefits. Year by year the number of humans in the world increasing and it
cause
Change the verb form
causes
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 to high demand for food,
that is
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 why many governments hire scientists to practice getting more harvest from smaller fields. Today most of them achieve success
on
Change preposition
in
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 their project.
Such
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 as in
the
Correct article usage
apply
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China scientists
discover
Wrong verb form
have discovered
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new
Add an article
a new
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 way of farming which is called vertical farming.
This
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 method of farming creates an opportunity for people who live in apartments to be farmers. Only they need more pots and fertile soil.
Furthermore
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, there are some developments in pet farming. They invent some vitamin injections and foods rich in vitamins that help animals to be healthy and provide more products. When it comes to drawbacks, we should mention that today most
of
Change preposition
apply
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the
Correct article usage
apply
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foods consist of chemicals which are harmful
for
Change the preposition
to
show examples
Correct article usage
the human`s
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human`s
Change noun form
human
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 body. Because of those chemicals most of the
world
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world's
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 population
faced
Wrong verb form
faces
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 incurable diseases, one of them
is
Wrong verb form
being
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 obesity.
According to
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statistics
Add a comma
statistics,
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 40% of the world
suffer
Correct subject-verb agreement
suffers
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 from obesity and 90 per cent of the United States have
problem
Fix the agreement mistake
problems
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 with their weight. Despite
benefits
Correct article usage
the benefits
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 of pet
farming
Add a comma
farming,
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 there are some disadvantages. Scholars try to increase the number of livestock and they do not think about the
affect
Replace the word
effect
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 of them
to
Change preposition
on
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
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nature. As the number
increase
Change the verb form
increases
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
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global warming will increase, because of their wastes In conclusion,
Linking Words
Fix capitalization
however
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However
Add a comma
However,
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 there are some benefits of scientific developments, obesity and global warming disasters will knock down these advantages.
Submitted by makemoneyizzy16 on

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Task Achievement
Enhance the clarity of your arguments by clearly stating your position and ensuring that each paragraph supports your main thesis.
Coherence and Cohesion
Use transitions between your ideas to improve the flow of your essay and provide connections between ideas.
Task Achievement
Add more specific examples and evidence to support your points. This will help illustrate your arguments and make them more convincing.
Introduction and Conclusion
The essay provides a clear introduction and conclusion, effectively framing the response.
Relevance and Examples
You have highlighted key advancements in farming like vertical farming, which provides a modern context to your arguments.
Balanced Argument
The essay discusses the potential negative impacts of scientific developments in farming, which showcases a balanced understanding of the topic.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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