IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

The greater proportion of government's budget should be allocated to disease prevention and health education because prevention is better than cure. Do you agree or disagree?

#proportion #government #budget #disease #prevention #health #education #cure
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It is believed that the government should stipulate a higher proportion of its financial budget to health education and
prevention
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 of
diseases
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. I strongly agree with
this
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 viewpoint as creating awareness and
prevention
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 will help to lead a healthy lifestyle.
Moreover
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, it will reduce financial
unstability
Correct your spelling
instability
due to
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 hospital bills. To start with, in recent times
due to
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 their
their
Remove the redundancy
apply
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hectic schedules, people are highly prone to
diseases
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 because of
unhygenic
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unhygienic
 eating habits,
disrupted
Correct word choice
and disrupted
show examples
 sleep times.
Hence
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, a large amount of
population
Correct article usage
the population
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 suffers from disorders like
hypertention
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hypertension
,
diabetes
Correct word choice
and diabetes
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 which are
life threatening
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life-threatening
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. Imparting education to the public is beneficial to treat the problem at its root cause.
Therefore
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, running awareness campaigns about
importance
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the importance
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 of
healthy
Correct article usage
a healthy
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 lifestyle and diet, physical activities,
adequate
Correct word choice
and adequate
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 sleep schedule will ultimately lead to reduced incidences of health conditions namely stroke and obesity. As an illustration, obesity and its medical consequences which are caused by
consumption
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the consumption
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 of
fastfoods
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fast foods
 can be irradicated completely if people adopt healthy changes in their life.
Additionally
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,
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prevention
Correct article usage
the prevention
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 of
diseases
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 not only has physical merits but
also
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 has financial advantages to the families
as well as
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 the nation. It is worth noting that, staying fit results in less frequent hospital bills.
Therefore
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, the financial stress on breadwinners in the family is lessened. In a broader perspective, the
governning
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governing
 authorities can spend less on the medical subsidies and schemes resulting in diversion of the funds where required.
For example
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, the financial budget
spend
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spent
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 on medical schemes can be utilised to uplift employment opportunities and educational setups leading to rapid economic growth.
For example
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, preventing substance abuse like consumption of alcohol and tobacco will save huge
amount
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amounts
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 of money spent on expensive cancer treatment. To summarize,
prevention
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 and educating the citizens about
importance
Add an article
the importance
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 of
disease free
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disease-free
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 life has enormous benefits namely reduced monetary strain and less risks of fatal
diseases
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.
Consequently
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, it is highly recommended that government bodies
must
Verb problem
apply
show examples
reserve higher funds for treating the root causes rather than curing the
diseases
Use synonyms
.
Submitted by vaishnavivardekar2209 on

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Task Response
Ensure consistency in spelling and vocabulary to enhance clarity and professionalism in writing.
Coherence and Cohesion
Work on reducing minor grammatical errors to improve overall coherence and readability.
Task Response
The essay provides a well-structured argument in favor of disease prevention and health education, which is strongly relevant to the prompt.
Task Response
Proper examples are used to illustrate the benefits of prevention and education over treatment, enhancing the clarity and relevance of the points made.
Coherence and Cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are present and serve well to frame the argument.
Coherence and Cohesion
The main points about health and financial benefits of prevention are clearly supported and logically structured.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • Preventive healthcare
  • health education
  • chronic diseases
  • public health outcomes
  • life expectancy
  • empower individuals
  • medical interventions
  • economic productivity
  • sustainable approach
  • resource allocation
  • root causes
  • vaccinations
  • lifestyle modifications
  • public health campaigns
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