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Writing Samples
Band 6

Some people leave countryside to live in cities waht is the problem and solution of thsi issue

#people #countryside #cities #waht #thsi
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Some young
people
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 prefer to leave
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countryside
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the countryside
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 to live in
cities
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 and towns. The problems caused by
this
Linking Words
 issue are
cities
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 are becoming overpopulated, and old
people
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 are becoming alone. To solve
this
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 issue,
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countryside
Correct article usage
the countryside
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 should have the same
facilities
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, which
cities
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 have, and the young generation should become responsible towards their elderly
parents
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. When the young generation moves from rural
areas
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 to urban
areas
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, urban
areas
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 become overpopulated. An overpopulated city has a lot of problems
such
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 as pollution, traffic jams, accommodation crisis, and high living costs.
As a result
Linking Words
, living becomes challenging in an overpopulated city.
Moreover
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, when young
people
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 leave
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countryside
Add an article
the countryside
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, they actually leave their
parents
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 and other family members alone who are old.
Therefore
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, these
people
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 do not get proper care and nursing because there is no one to take care of them.
For instance
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, in Australia, many young
people
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 leave their
parents
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 every year in the regional
areas
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 and move to
cities
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 for better opportunities. Their
parents
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 become alone and there is no one to serve them. To solve
this
Linking Words
 problem,
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countryside
Correct article usage
the countryside
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 should have the same modern
facilities
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, which
cities
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 have. If countrysides have the same
facilities
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like
Change preposition
as
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cities
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, young
people
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 will remain in
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countryside
Correct article usage
the countryside
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 and the population of
cities
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 and
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countryside
Correct article usage
the countryside
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 will get balanced.
As a result
Linking Words
,
cities
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 will be free from numerous challenges.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, the young generation should understand that they have responsibilities towards their
parents
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. They should not only prioritize better career and educational opportunities rather they should think about their
parents
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.
For example
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, in Japan, children are taught about their responsibilities towards their
parents
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 in schools, which encourages them to live with their
parents
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 in the same house and take care of them. In conclusion, when young
people
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 leave
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countryside
Add an article
the countryside
show examples
 to live in
cities
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,
cities
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 become overpopulated and their elderly
parents
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 become alone. Solutions to
this
Linking Words
 problem are countries should have the same
facilities
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 which
cities
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 and towns have, and young
people
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 should be responsible towards their
parents
Use synonyms
.
Submitted by rahman_rehana on

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task achievement
Consider adding more specific examples to further illustrate the problems and solutions.
coherence and cohesion
Ensure that all main points are clearly connected and logically flow to enhance the overall coherence.
task achievement
The essay provides a comprehensive response to the task, addressing both the problems and solutions clearly.
coherence and cohesion
The structure of the essay is logical and each paragraph focuses on a single main idea, enhancing coherence.
coherence and cohesion
There is a clear introduction and conclusion, making it easier for the reader to follow your argument.
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