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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

the table shows information about students studying at an Australia university in 2009.

the table shows information about students studying at an Australia university in 2009.
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The given chart illustrates data about the proportion of
students
Use synonyms
 studying at an Australian university in the year 2009.
Overall
Linking Words
,
it is clear that
Linking Words
 the number of female
students
Use synonyms
 in almost
Correct determiner usage
every deparment
show examples
deparment
Correct your spelling
department
 namely
Humanities
Use synonyms
, Education,
Science
Use synonyms
 and
Physics
Use synonyms
were
Correct subject-verb agreement
was
show examples
 more than that of male
students
Use synonyms
. In
first
Correct article usage
the first
show examples
 three departments, at an
Use synonyms
Australia
Correct your spelling
Australian
show examples
 university in 2009, the highest rate of female
students
Use synonyms
 was
Humanities
Use synonyms
 about 72%,
wheares
Correct your spelling
whereas
 the lowest was
Science
Use synonyms
. In
constract
Correct your spelling
contrast
,
Science
Use synonyms
have
Change the verb form
has
show examples
 the largest percentage of
student
Fix the agreement mistake
students
show examples
who
Correct pronoun usage
whose
show examples
frist langueage
Correct your spelling
first language
not
Add a missing verb
is not
show examples
 English around a
hafl
Correct your spelling
half
,
however
Linking Words
,
Humanities
Use synonyms
 and Education
was
Correct subject-verb agreement
were
show examples
 lower and had 12% and 16% of that, respectively. In the proportion of
student
Fix the agreement mistake
students
show examples
borned
Correct your spelling
born
 outside
Australia
Use synonyms
, all of them were lower than 31%
which
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
the highest
was
Wrong verb form
being
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
Science
Use synonyms
 ( 31% ), the second was Education ( 23% ),
the
Correct word choice
and the
show examples
last
Linking Words
 was
Humanities
Use synonyms
 ( 20%). In
Linking Words
last
Correct article usage
the last
show examples
 three departments,
Physics
Use synonyms
 had
more
Correct article usage
a more
show examples
 number
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
female
students
Use synonyms
 than
that
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
male
Fix the agreement mistake
males
show examples
 about 56%,
while
Linking Words
 both
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
Information Technology and Engineering had the opposite
firgures
Correct your spelling
figures
.
In
Change preposition
On
show examples
 the
oppostie
Correct your spelling
opposite
,
Information
Correct article usage
the Information
show examples
 Technology and
Science
Use synonyms
 department had
more
Fix the agreement mistake
a higher
show examples
 percentage of
Add an article
a student
the student
show examples
student
Fix the agreement mistake
students
show examples
 having
Correct article usage
a frist
show examples
frist
Correct your spelling
first
 language not English than
Physics
Use synonyms
 which was 38%. In the rate of
students
Use synonyms
 who
borned
Wrong verb form
were born
show examples
 outside
Australia
Use synonyms
,
Physics
Use synonyms
 and Information Technology had 56% and the proportion of Engineering was lower than 8% at an
Use synonyms
Australia
Correct your spelling
Australian
show examples
 university in 2009.

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "last".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words students, humanities, science, physics, australia with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "information" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "proportion" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "about" was used 3 times.
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