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Writing Samples
Band 6

The internet has transformed the way information is shared and consumed, but it has also created problems that did not exist before. What are the most serious problems associated with the internet and what solutions can you suggest?

#internet #information
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In the modern era,
internet
Use synonyms
 technology has developed more and it is controlling everywhere.
Also
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, the
internet
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 has shared
data
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 with others and there are plenty of problems
such
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 as stealing personal information, misusing a person’s
bank
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 details and
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also
Rephrase
apply
show examples
using reel
applications
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. In
this
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 essay, we will discuss it briefly.
To begin
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 with, the
internet
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 has benefits to use globally at the same time it has some problems
while
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 sharing and consuming
data
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.
Firstly
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, our personal
data
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 has been stolen by an unknown person by hacking mobile
internet
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, it is happening more.
Secondly
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, strangers called from unknown numbers and asked for an OTP (one-time password) for
bank
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 reference but in fact: they were stealing our money.
For instance
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, my uncle opened a new
bank
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 account in SKJ
Bank
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 Limited
then
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 he started money sharing through the
internet
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, one day someone asked him a personal
detail
Fix the agreement mistake
details
show examples
along with
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 OTP
then
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 after sharing he lost his entire money.
Moreover
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,
people
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 are using some
applications
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 like TikTok, and Instagram for their reel purposes but their videos and images are shared with others,
consequently
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, they will affect for sharing their privacy and anyone could be misused.
On the other hand
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, the government should take some actions to restrict and control
data
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 privacy,
this
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 can be much better to avoid sharing personal information.
Also
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, stranger’s calls to be avoided by the concerned person and don’t need to
share
Wrong verb form
be shared
show examples
 with anyone, better
people
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 can go directly to the
bank
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 employer to ask queries. At
last
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, the government should have banned the unwanted
applications
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 and need to give a training program of awareness.
As a result
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, there will be a positive change.
To conclude
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,
people
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 are using the
internet
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as well as
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 share
data
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 and consume. There are some problems like stealing
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
personal information, hacking mobile networks and
also
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 making videos and
then
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 uploading them to
applications
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 make the
internet
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 worse. And there are solutions to solve
this
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 like the government providing awareness training to the
people
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 and
also
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 some restrictions it would change things.
Submitted by saravanan.ko2011 on

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task achievement
Address the topic more comprehensively by exploring both advantages and disadvantages of the internet, providing a balanced view. This will enhance your task achievement score.
task achievement
Develop your ideas more thoroughly with additional examples and explanations to create a complete response.
coherence cohesion
Improve logical structure by organizing ideas clearly with appropriate use of paragraphs. This will strengthen coherence and cohesion.
coherence cohesion
Include linking words and phrases to connect ideas within paragraphs and between sentences, thus enhancing cohesion.
introduction conclusion present
The essay includes a clear introduction and conclusion, which helps structure the response.
relevant specific examples
Relevant examples are provided to illustrate points, adding clarity to the argument.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • cybersecurity
  • phishing
  • identity theft
  • misinformation
  • fake news
  • social isolation
  • internet addiction
  • data privacy
  • digital literacy
  • regulations
  • awareness programs
  • manipulate
  • proliferation
  • consent
  • escalated
What to do next:
Look at other essays: