IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

Wild animals have no use in the 21 century and trying to preserve animals now is just wastage of money. To what extent do you agree or disagree with question

#animals #century #wastage #money
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Nowadays, there is disagreement among
people
 about whether wild
animals
 should be preserved or not. In my opinion,
although
 it may seem like a good thing, protecting wild
animals
 can be dangerous and cause
waste
Correct article usage
a waste
show examples
 of money.
Besides
, there is a balance and selection in
nature
 and I think
people
 shouldn't interfere with Mother Naturenature. First of all, many
people
 want to protect wild
animals
 from natural selection, but it may cause many losses. The economic situation of the country is the main parameter.
For instance
, these kinds of projects require much more money and it is not easy to find a budget for especially low-income countries. In these conditions, it is more logical to save money for other subjects
such
 as health and education.
Secondly
, trying to preserve wild
animals
 can cause dangerous situations for society. Many
people
 have been killed or seriously injured to protect
animals
 in the wild.
This
 means,
government
Add an article
the government
show examples
also
 has to find additional funds for hospitalisation costs for these
people
. As you can see, the expenses are increasing gradually. To protect ourselves and our government, I think we should stay away from the wild.
Consequently
,
however
,
people
 want to help wild
animals
 which are affected by natural selection, we should realise that it is all about
nature
, and if we interfere with
nature
, it won't be good for us either economically or health-wise. So I think trying to preserve wild
animals
 is not necessary at all and we should leave
nature
 alone to protect ourselves and our state.
Submitted by isil on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
While the essay presents a clear opinion, it could benefit from addressing counterarguments to show a more balanced perspective. This would strengthen the task achievement and show an understanding of different viewpoints.
task achievement
Using more specific and varied examples would enhance the task response. The examples could include statistics or case studies related to conservation efforts.
coherence cohesion
Consider more varied transitional phrases to improve the flow of ideas within paragraphs.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a clear structure with an introduction, body, and conclusion, which supports the overall coherence and cohesion.
coherence cohesion
The main points are logically structured and connected, making it easy for the reader to follow the argument.
task achievement
A clear stance is presented, with supporting arguments that effectively communicate the writer's opinion.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: