Traditional schooling is out of date, boring and stifles a child’s natural talents, various professionals have pushed for an education revolution. Are there alternatives in the education system? Is traditional education doing more harm than good?

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Undoubtedly, changing the traditional school curriculum for the benefit of children has become a heated topic of discussion. Some people working in advanced industries have accentuated the need to bring some potential changes in the ongoing

education

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system

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in order to meet the market requirements. They put forward a plethora of things like arts, sports, vocational training and a lot more that should be added to bring an avalanche of benefits. I agree that a new

system

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is needed for an hour to benefit the global population.

This

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essay will discuss the various positives to support the revolution of transforming the old structure.

Firstly

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, adding courses like creativity, sports, internships and much more will help the student to show their hidden talent. Creative activities

such

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as dancing, painting and a lot more can bring dramatic changes in toddlers' lives.

This

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results in bolstering them to burst

out

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apply

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the stress accumulated because of regular school subjects and acquire some exceptional skills.

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, in future, they can transform these smart skills into a full-time profession.

For example

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, a study by Oxford University revealed that many sports personalities are not intellectual

however

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their gaming skills help them to gain popularity.

Secondly

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, doing some hands-on practicals after going through the theoretical

education

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will open gateways of opportunities for the pupils.

This

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results in supporting them to gain awareness about the market requirements and fill the knowledge gaps when exposed to real work. To illustrate, Engineering students must do a short internship in their field of study in order to learn about using their learning in solving real-world problems.

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, the old

education

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system

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focused more on scoring good grades and bookish knowledge.

This

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results in putting a lot of mental stress on the children and limits their holistic development.

For instance

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, a study by the US Child Psychology Department revealed that 15% of kids are facing depression because of the homework burden given by the schools. In conclusion, I think the changes in the

education

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system

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worldwide will cultivate numerous positive outcomes and bless the little ones with successful careers.

joshi65201Fri Jul 26 2024

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task achievement

While the essay addresses the task effectively, ensure that all points are elaborated equally. For example, expand the discussion on practical skills with more specific examples.

coherence cohesion

While coherence is strong, some transitions between paragraphs could be smoother. Linking phrases between ideas could enhance the flow further.

introduction conclusion present

The introduction and conclusion are clear and well-articulated, setting the tone and summarizing the essay effectively.

logical structure

The essay is logically structured with clear main points that are supported well with relevant examples.

relevant specific examples

The use of specific studies and examples strengthens the arguments significantly.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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9
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
2
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 8.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 8.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 8.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 8.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

5 paragraphs

346 words

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Traditional schooling is out of date, boring and stifles a child’s natural talents, various professionals have pushed for an education revolution. Are there alternatives in the education system? Is traditional education doing more harm than good?

Your opinion

‏The rise of convenience food has helped people keep up with the speed of modern lifestyle. What are the advantages and disadvantages of this trend? Do the advantages outweigh disadvantages?

The media should include more stories which report good news. To what extent do you agree or disagree? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

Some people think that the media (newspapers ) have the right to publish details of people's private lives, while other think it should be controlled. discuss both views.

The dangers of smoking are well known, yet many people continue with this habit. What are the causes of this? How can we reduce smoking in society? Give reasons for your answer, and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

The education you receive from your family is more important than the education you receive from school. To what extent do you agree with this statement and why? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.