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Band 6.5

Some people who have been in prison become good citizens later, and it is often argued that these are the best people to talk to teenagers about the dangers of committing a crime. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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Introduction
Some former prisoners change and become respectable and honest members of the community. There is a common point of view that these individuals are the most appropriate people to talk to youngsters about the consequences of criminal behaviour. I agree with
this
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 perception because,
firstly
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, in prison, these individuals have known people guilty of atrocities and have seen how they ended, so they can explain very well the repercussions.
Secondly
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, after being locked up and given time to reflect on their actions, they should be able to explain that most end up regretting them and feeling bad with
them selfs
Correct your spelling
themselves
.
Body paragraph 1
The first point is that in prison, these individuals have probably known somebody guilty of crimes and seen how they ended. They have talked to many with different pasts and see how they all ended up in the same situation, in jail. Because of that, they are ideal citizens to explain that committing felonies is very dangerous for your future.
For instance
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, if a former prisoner has met somebody who ended up in jail because he drove drunk and killed someone in an accident, he can well explain
after that
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apply
show examples
the terrible consequences of the actions we take without thinking.
Body paragraph 2
The second point is that their experience in confinement can help them show that many ended up feeling guilty. Indeed, the former prisoners have had the wonderful opportunity to think about their deeds and go back on the right path.
In addition
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, talking to other prisoners has helped them even more to understand that many misdeeds are committed by mistake. With all
this
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 experience, they are the perfect citizens to explain the results and consequences of committing a crime.
For example
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, someone who has robbed a supermarket for fun with his friend and is now in jail for one year is a good person to explain how to avoid actions that you later regret.
Conclusion
To conclude
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, I agree that after prison, some become good citizens and are the perfect people to talk about the dangers of committing a crime
due to
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 their experience and knowledge.

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task response
State your view clearly in the first part, as you do here, and keep it the same to the end. To make the answer stronger, also say why these people may not always be the best choice, such as when they are not ready to speak well to young people. Then explain why you still agree.
task response
Develop each main idea more fully. In the first body part, show exactly how a past prisoner can help young people make safer choices. In the second, explain why feeling sorry after prison can stop later crime.
task response
Your examples fit the topic, but make the link to teenagers more direct. For example, say how hearing the real story may make a young person stop before driving after drinking or taking part in theft.
coherence and cohesion
The essay has a clear order: an opening, two main parts, and an ending. Keep this plan, but make each paragraph start with one short, direct main idea.
coherence and cohesion
Use clearer links between ideas. Words such as “because”, “therefore”, “as a result”, and “for this reason” can show how the prison experience leads to a useful lesson for young people.
coherence and cohesion
Avoid repeating “the perfect citizens” and “results and consequences”. Use simpler, more natural words, such as “good people to speak to young people” and “the harm crime can cause.”
coherence and cohesion
Make pronouns clear. Instead of “seen how they ended”, say “seen how other prisoners’ lives were harmed by crime”. This helps the reader follow who “they” means.
task response
You answer the question directly and give a clear view from the start to the end.
task response
You use two relevant reasons: learning from other prisoners’ stories and having time to think about past acts.
coherence and cohesion
Your main ideas are put into separate body paragraphs, and each part has an example.
coherence and cohesion
The ending clearly restates your main view and brings the essay to a close.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • prisoners
  • rehabilitation
  • recidivism
  • consequences
  • insights
  • deterrent
  • guidance
  • support
  • role models
  • positive change
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