IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

Some people who have been in prison become good citizens later, and it is often argued that these are the best people to talk to teenagers about the dangers of committing a crime. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#people #prison #citizens #teenagers #dangers #crime
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
It is argued that former prisoners who have had good behaviour are the perfect people to talk to teenagers in order to prevent the rise of crimes.
This
 essay totally agrees with that statement. I believe that the experience they have is essential to make the future adults about the dangers of some actions they will have the choice to do.
Moreover
, the fact these people are completely strangers to the teens would lead to a much more serious conversation. Old detainees, who have certainly started their life of banditry at the same period as the young ones they are talking with, would easily put them in the youth’s place.
Additionally
, I can imagine the teenagers would be encouraged to ask questions that are maybe essential to start their adult life and which the minors would not dare to demand from their parents or even their teachers.
For example
, some studies show that 76% of youngsters under 16 are more likely to talk about their first sexual experiences to their friends rather than to do it to their parents and/or teachers.
In addition
, in the same kind of ideas, speaking with someone he does not know, might not limit him to dealing with the most intimate subjects as it would be the only time he will see the interlocutor.
To conclude
, in my opinion, thanks to the errors the former prisoners have already made younger and the fact they are complete foreigners for those youngsters.
Thus
, these new model citizens are the perfect people to have a discussion with the future holders of the world of tomorrow.
Submitted by santos_dij on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • prisoners
  • rehabilitation
  • recidivism
  • consequences
  • insights
  • deterrent
  • guidance
  • support
  • role models
  • positive change
What to do next:
Look at other essays: