Some people who have been in prison become good citizens later, and it is often argued that these are the best people to talk to teenagers about the dangers of committing a crime. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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We usually think that

people

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who have been in prison before are in a great position to educate children about what are the risks of criminal

behavior

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behaviour

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This

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task strongly agrees with

this

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idea , since the personal experience of the

ex-crimianals

Correct your spelling

ex-criminals

makes their message more credible , understandable and impactful, and they can be powerful role models for a change.

Firstly

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, former prisoners can give relevant insights

as for

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into

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the consequences of crime. Unlike our teachers or authority figures who probably speak only in theory, these individuals have experienced directly the negative effects of criminality,

such

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as giving up on their freedom, broken relationships with family or friends, and very limited options

as in

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for

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future opportunities.

As a result

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, children are more likely to listen carefully , relate and have sympathy for their stories.

For example

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, a young person hearing an account of prison conditions and how it destroys individuals

Punctuation problem

apply

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may understand better the seriousness of crime than through frequent warnings in school.

Secondly

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, former offenders who have rebuilt their

life

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lives

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can be an inspiring example of positive personal transformation. Their stories prove that it is possible to change ways and build a future

getting

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, getting

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over previous mistakes.

This

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is highly motivating for teenagers who feel lost or are under

bad

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a bad

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influence . As proof , an old criminal who now contributes positively to society can show

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apply

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young

people

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that by making the right choices , it is possible to find a truly stable and happy life.

To conclude

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, I entirely agree that reformed prisoners are clearly among the most effective

people

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to educate about crime and its consequences , as their experiences are both convincing and inspirational, helping to prevent young

people

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from making harmful decisions.

santos_dij

Dec 10, 2024

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task response

Make your main idea more clear in the first line. Say your view in a direct way.

task response

Add one more clear and real example to support your points.

task response

Explain your ideas a bit more so each point feels full and easy to follow.

coherence and cohesion

Link some ideas in a more natural way. A few parts sound a bit forced.

coherence and cohesion

Keep the same style in all body parts. Some lines are very clear, but some are harder to follow.

coherence and cohesion

Check spacing and comma use, because small errors can break the flow.

task response

Your answer gives a clear view and stays on the topic all the way.

task response

You cover both why ex-prisoners can warn teens and how they can be a good model.

coherence and cohesion

The essay has a clear start, two body parts, and an ending.

coherence and cohesion

Each body part has one main point, so the essay is easy to understand.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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7
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
1
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
9
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

290 words

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Topic Vocabulary:

prisoners
rehabilitation
recidivism
consequences
insights
deterrent
guidance
support
role models
positive change

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