IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

In many countries around the world, rural people are moving to cities, so the population in the countryside is decreasing. Do you think this is a positive or negative development?

#countries #world #people #cities #population #countryside #development
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Nowadays, the trend of
people
Use synonyms
 from rural
Use synonyms
area
Fix the agreement mistake
areas
show examples
started
Wrong verb form
starting
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 to
moving
Change the form of the verb
move
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 to
cities
Use synonyms
 has become increasingly prevalent. As a
results
Correct the article-noun agreement
result
show examples
, the
number
Use synonyms
 of population in the countryside is declining in several countries. I argue that
this
Linking Words
 should be seen as a negative development because
of
Change preposition
apply
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the disparities
occur
Correct pronoun usage
that occur
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 might lead to
economical
Replace the word
economic
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problem
Fix the agreement mistake
problems
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.
To begin
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 with, it cannot be denied that numerous
people
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 moving to the
cities
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 to seek a better future
of
Change preposition
in
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 their
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
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. One of the key factors supporting
this
Linking Words
 idea is that the wide range of job opportunities in the
cities
Use synonyms
as
Correct your spelling
is
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 the main place where
economy
Correct article usage
the economy
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growth
Verb problem
is growing
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.
However
Linking Words
, it is important to note that
while
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 indeed there are plenty of available choices for job
position
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positions
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, the
number
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 of job seeker
also
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 increase at the same time.
Hence
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, it cannot be
guarantee
Wrong verb form
guaranteed
show examples
 that the
people
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 who
moving
Change the form of the verb
move
show examples
 to the
cities
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 will
achieved
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achieve
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 their dreams for
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 better future.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, these might lead to
a disparities
Correct the article-noun agreement
disparities
a disparity
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 between
city
Correct article usage
the city
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 and
countryside
Correct article usage
the countryside
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. With the decreasing of the
number
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 of population in the countryside, it may cause a low
number
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 of employment. The supply and demand of employment will be affected significantly since there are
less
Change the quantifier
fewer
show examples
people
Use synonyms
 in the
area
Use synonyms
 who can work.
Additionally
Linking Words
, the economy of
local
Add an article
the local
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 region will be impacted leading to the annual income of each individuals who live in the
country side
Correct your spelling
countryside
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. For the reasons mentioned above, I believe that the trend of migration from rural
Use synonyms
area
Fix the agreement mistake
areas
show examples
 to the
cities
Use synonyms
consider
Wrong verb form
is considered
show examples
as
Change preposition
apply
show examples
a negative development.
Therefore
Linking Words
, the government should create a solution that will impact both of the
Use synonyms
area
Change to a plural noun
areas
show examples
 in a positive way.
Submitted by salwaputrihardiyan on

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Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • rural-to-urban migration
  • population shift
  • positive impact
  • negative impact
  • urbanization
  • job opportunities
  • access to education
  • access to healthcare
  • urban infrastructure
  • rural traditions
  • cultural heritage
What to do next:
Look at other essays: