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Writing Samples
Band 6

Some people believe that teachers have an important role to play in the educational success, while others think it is the students' attitude that matters. Discuss both of views and share your opinion.

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Nowadays, some communities think to make education more successful, the
teachers
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 have a vital role. It would be effective in the future? Some people believe that the attitude of the
pupils
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 becomes a substantial point.
However
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, it would have some positive effects for taking care of
pupils
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'
attitudes
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 first for the following reasons. It could be argued that
students
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 meet and spend their time a lot with the
teachers
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 every day.
This
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 makes
teachers
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 have an important part in helping their
pupils
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 reach the best lessons in the school.
First,
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the
teachers
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 have the role of encouraging and pushing the
pupils
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 to fill what they need in the school, and
as a result
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, they feel satisfied with their achievements.
Furthermore
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, some
students
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 in another part sometimes need parents or
teachers
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 to help them choose what they need to help them reach the best fit with their
skills
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.
For instance
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,
students
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 who are very interested in arts need some help to increase their
skills
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 to arrange what should they do in the future, not only in academics but
also
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 in developing and expressing themselves. It could
also
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 be argued that the competencies,
skills
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 and quality of the teacher might be nothing if the
students
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 have bad
attitudes
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 toward their academics.
Thus
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 they become a careless and respectless human in their environment. But,
i
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I
show examples
 believe
besides
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 the academic report, people with good
attitudes
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 might be more successful rather than people with perfect academic' resumes.
For instance
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, the human resources division in a company tends to choose employees who can lead and have a lot of
skills
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 to promote them to achieve a higher status.
To sum up
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,
teachers
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 might have a vital role in increasing the quality of education because they have some
skills
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. Meanwhile, it might not be effective if the
students
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 forget how substantial their attitude is
besides
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 their academic status. It will be a good combination if we develop the
students
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'
attitudes
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while
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 we prepare the quality of the teacher to maximize our education system.

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task achievement
Work on ensuring that your introduction more clearly presents the topic and positions both viewpoints in a balanced way from the start. This will help in setting the stage more effectively for your discussion.
coherence cohesion
Be careful with some minor grammatical mistakes and structuring of sentences, such as 'respectless human'. A few awkward phrases can distract the reader, so aim for more concise expressions.
task achievement
In the body paragraphs, clearly delineate between the two views before presenting your opinion. This can be ensured by starting each paragraph with clear topic sentences that emphasize the specific view you are addressing.
task achievement
Your essay successfully discusses both the significant role of teachers and the importance of students' attitudes in educational success, presenting logical reasoning for both sides.
task achievement
You include relevant examples to illustrate your points, particularly the benefits of a good attitude when it comes to securing positions, which strengthens your task response.
coherence cohesion
Your essay's structure, including an introduction and conclusion, helps to guide the reader through your argument, maintaining coherence.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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