Some people believe that teachers have an important role to play in the educational success, while others think it is the students' attitude that matters. Discuss both of views and share your opinion.

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Nowadays, some communities think to make education more successful, the
teachers
have a vital role. It would be effective in the future? Some people believe that the attitude of the
pupils
becomes a substantial point.
However
, it would have some positive effects for taking care of
pupils
'
attitudes
first for the following reasons. It could be argued that
students
meet and spend their time a lot with the
teachers
every day.
This
makes
teachers
have an important part in helping their
pupils
reach the best lessons in the school.
First,
the
teachers
have the role of encouraging and pushing the
pupils
to fill what they need in the school, and
as a result
, they feel satisfied with their achievements.
Furthermore
, some
students
in another part sometimes need parents or
teachers
to help them choose what they need to help them reach the best fit with their
skills
.
For instance
,
students
who are very interested in arts need some help to increase their
skills
to arrange what should they do in the future, not only in academics but
also
in developing and expressing themselves. It could
also
be argued that the competencies,
skills
and quality of the teacher might be nothing if the
students
have bad
attitudes
toward their academics.
Thus
they become a careless and respectless human in their environment. But,
i
Change the capitalization
I
show examples
believe
besides
the academic report, people with good
attitudes
might be more successful rather than people with perfect academic' resumes.
For instance
, the human resources division in a company tends to choose employees who can lead and have a lot of
skills
to promote them to achieve a higher status.
To sum up
,
teachers
might have a vital role in increasing the quality of education because they have some
skills
. Meanwhile, it might not be effective if the
students
forget how substantial their attitude is
besides
their academic status. It will be a good combination if we develop the
students
'
attitudes
while
we prepare the quality of the teacher to maximize our education system.
Submitted by suryawatinovita on

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task achievement
Work on ensuring that your introduction more clearly presents the topic and positions both viewpoints in a balanced way from the start. This will help in setting the stage more effectively for your discussion.
coherence cohesion
Be careful with some minor grammatical mistakes and structuring of sentences, such as 'respectless human'. A few awkward phrases can distract the reader, so aim for more concise expressions.
task achievement
In the body paragraphs, clearly delineate between the two views before presenting your opinion. This can be ensured by starting each paragraph with clear topic sentences that emphasize the specific view you are addressing.
task achievement
Your essay successfully discusses both the significant role of teachers and the importance of students' attitudes in educational success, presenting logical reasoning for both sides.
task achievement
You include relevant examples to illustrate your points, particularly the benefits of a good attitude when it comes to securing positions, which strengthens your task response.
coherence cohesion
Your essay's structure, including an introduction and conclusion, helps to guide the reader through your argument, maintaining coherence.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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