IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

The most important aim of science should be to improve people’s lives. To what extend do you agree or disagree with this statement?

#aim #science #people’s #lives
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There are widely differing views on the issue of whether the ultimate goal of science should be to improve human
lives
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 or not.
While
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 some still hold to the conservative view, in
this
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 essay I intend to argue that improving the Earth and
animals
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'
lives
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 is necessary to guarantee a pleasurable
life
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 for
people
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. The reasons for
this
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 are as follows. First of all, it is evident that
humans
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 have caused exponential damage to the environment and compensating for these disadvantages is a prerequisite to a better
life
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. Living on the Earth and uncontrolled utilization of its valuable resources ruthlessly have brought with it
such
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 significant challenges as an increase in greenhouse gasses and global warming,
consequently
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.
This
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 undesirable phenomenon has resulted in a considerable drop in the living quality of all the
people
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 that the majority of governments globally are struggling to control. If we wish to improve
people
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’s
lives
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,
therefore
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, I believe compensating for applied harm to the environment must be the first priority in scientific research.
Secondly
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 and even more importantly though, is improving the
lives
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 of
animals
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 to provide a better
life
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 for
people
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. The pro-human group would argue that human issues should be preferred in scientific research as
humans
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 are the conductors of these studies,
however
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, I believe that neglecting
animals
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 in scientific studies would result in irreparable harm to
humans
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. Imagine the Malariya ailment that cost a majority of
people
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 their
lives
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 years ago. It was
such
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 a virus that was transformed into
humans
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 by mosquitoes that, it could have been prevented by paying adequate attention to animal issues. Equally importantly, as
humans
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,
animals
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also
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 have the right to enjoy a more qualified
life
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. By way of conclusion, I once again reaffirm my position that sacrificing the Earth and
animals
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 to improve human
lives
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 would return to haunt
humans
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 at a large scale. Given the seriousness of the problems it could cause, I believe that
this
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 should be the ultimate goal in scientific research.
Submitted by golriiz.azizi1991 on

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task achievement
Your response is well-organized and addresses the topic, but it could benefit from a slightly more comprehensive conclusion that ties all points together in a more concise manner.
task achievement
Ensure that your examples are specific and directly related to the point you're making. For instance, the example about malaria could be more tightly connected to your argument about the importance of animal life in scientific research.
coherence cohesion
Your essay is generally coherent, but some points could benefit from clearer transitions to enhance the logical flow between paragraphs and points.
structure
The essay is well-structured with clear introduction and conclusion.
logical structure
Your main points are clearly stated and well-developed with a coherent argument throughout.
supported main points
The use of relevant arguments and appropriate examples bolsters your position effectively.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • crucial role
  • enhancing
  • quality of human life
  • advancements
  • medicine
  • healthcare
  • scientific research
  • solving societal problems
  • improving living standards
  • global issues
  • climate change
  • food scarcity
  • technological advancements
  • limitations
  • negative consequences
  • ethical considerations
  • sustainability
  • environmental preservation
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