Television dominates the free-time of too many people. It can make people lazy and prevent them from socialising with others. Do you agree or disagree?

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today spend their leisure

time

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watching TV.

Although

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this

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trend is enjoyable, it has a negative impact on individuals' lifestyles, it can make

people

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lazy and prevent them from socialising with others. I firmly agree with

this

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because sitting in front of the television for a long

time

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makes

people

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less productive and have a tendency to separate themselves from society. First of all, spending all of one's free

time

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watching shows can cause procrastination. Absorbing too much entertainment can make someone lose track of

time

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. They would postpone doing their tasks for the sake of gaining pleasure.

For example

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, most students prefer doing fun activities to doing their homework when they have nothing to do.

As a result

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, they would not get any job done, which can affect their studies negatively.

In addition

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, some

people

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find it more convenient to stay home and watch shows than to go out and talk to others.

For instance

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, introverted individuals might find it more comfortable to relax and put their favourite series on the television than to communicate with others.

However

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, they need to realise that they are

also

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human beings who constantly need other

people

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Therefore

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, it is very important to be able to socialize and broaden your connections. Those who are unable to do so will encounter much difficulty in their life than those who can. In conclusion, consuming too much entertainment can greatly impact

people

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's lives in a negative way.

Although

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it might be a great way to relieve stress and take a break, it would be better to spend one's free

time

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doing something more productive and meaningful.

zuhrakhirie1997Wed Dec 11 2024

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Task Achievement

Try to avoid repetition in your argumentation. You repeated similar points regarding laziness and lack of socialization. Diversifying your arguments would enrich the essay.

Coherence and Cohesion

While your conclusion summarizes the viewpoints effectively, adding a more distinct summary of the main points discussed could enhance clarity.

Task Achievement

The essay clearly presents your stance and supports it with relevant examples, showing you understand the prompt and can structure your essay around a central argument.

Coherence and Cohesion

The introduction and conclusion both set up and wrap up your argument well, giving the essay a clear beginning and end.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

9
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
2
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
0
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 8.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 6.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

270 words

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Topic Vocabulary:

Sedentary lifestyle
Cognitive laziness
Social interaction
Isolation
Face-to-face
Mentally stimulating
Catalyst for social gatherings
Educational content
Intellectual growth
Physical laziness

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Television dominates the free-time of too many people. It can make people lazy and prevent them from socialising with others. Do you agree or disagree?

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

Some think newspapers are the best method for reading the news while others think other media is better. Discuss both sides and give your own opinion

Around the world, rural people are moving to cities and urban areas, so populations in the countryside are decreasing. Is this a positive or negative development?

Some students take one year off between finishing school and going to university, in order to travel or to work. Do the advantages of this trend outweigh the disadvantages?

Some experts believe that it is better for children to begin learning a foreign language at primary school rather than secondary school. Do the advantages of this outweigh the disadvantages?