Some people say that music is a good way of bringing people of different cultures and ages together. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?
Music
is the best way of gathering people
from different nations and ages closely. This
essay completely agrees with this
view because music
has a great impact on people
’s feelings and music
can often gather different people
to follow and listen to one
musician or singer.
Music
could be a perfect method of bringing people
together from different countries and ages because music
influences human emotions. Listening to good lyrics or instrumental music
spreads happiness and joy which makes people
extremely close to each other. This
way using music
in their happiest moments such
as weddings, parties and even in public places ( restaurants, cafes, …..etc). For instance
, scientists from Oxford University, in 2018, found that music
sends certain frequency weaves to human brains that increase adrenaline levels which makes people
feel more happy and relaxed.
However
, another reason why music
is the best way of bringing people
together is that music
can create a whole community following the same person
or one
approach. Many people
are like the same person
and being fans they attend many concerts and events for that person
and make a group on social media only for that one
. For example
, Michael Jackson has 70 billion views on one
of his songs and people
more than that number attended his concerts from different countries.
In conclusion, music
is the main key to bringing all humanity together because it has a huge effect on human feelings and can create big fans for one
person
, people
from different types of ages and countries gather, in order to support that musical. I, therefore
, believe that music
is a fantastic method of bringing people
together.Submitted by ghazl.1998g on
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task achievement
In your introduction, consider making the thesis statement more concise and clearer. For example, state explicitly that music transcends cultural and age boundaries by connecting people through emotions and fan communities.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that your points in each paragraph are directly linked to the main argument presented in the introduction. Consider revisiting the topic sentences to strengthen this link.
introduction conclusion present
Your essay introduces the topic well and provides a clear conclusion that reinforces the arguments you've made.
supported main points
The examples provided, particularly about Michael Jackson, effectively support the idea that music connects people across cultures and ages.
Your opinion
Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.
If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.
Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.
Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:
...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?