Some people say that music is a good way of bringing people of different cultures and ages together. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

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Music
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is the best way of gathering
people
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from different nations and ages closely.
This
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essay completely agrees with
this
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view because
music
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has a great impact on
people
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’s feelings and
music
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can often gather different
people
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to follow and listen to
one
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musician or singer.
Music
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could be a perfect method of bringing
people
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together from different countries and ages because
music
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influences human emotions. Listening to good lyrics or instrumental
music
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spreads happiness and joy which makes
people
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extremely close to each other.
This
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way using
music
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in their happiest moments
such
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as weddings, parties and even in public places ( restaurants, cafes, …..etc).
For instance
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, scientists from Oxford University, in 2018, found that
music
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sends certain frequency weaves to human brains that increase adrenaline levels which makes
people
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feel more happy and relaxed.
However
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, another reason why
music
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is the best way of bringing
people
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together is that
music
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can create a whole community following the same
person
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or
one
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approach. Many
people
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are like the same
person
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and being fans they attend many concerts and events for that
person
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and make a group on social media only for that
one
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.
For example
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, Michael Jackson has 70 billion views on
one
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of his songs and
people
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more than that number attended his concerts from different countries. In conclusion,
music
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is the main key to bringing all humanity together because it has a huge effect on human feelings and can create big fans for
one
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person
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,
people
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from different types of ages and countries gather, in order to support that musical. I,
therefore
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, believe that
music
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is a fantastic method of bringing
people
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together.
Submitted by ghazl.1998g on

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task achievement
In your introduction, consider making the thesis statement more concise and clearer. For example, state explicitly that music transcends cultural and age boundaries by connecting people through emotions and fan communities.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that your points in each paragraph are directly linked to the main argument presented in the introduction. Consider revisiting the topic sentences to strengthen this link.
introduction conclusion present
Your essay introduces the topic well and provides a clear conclusion that reinforces the arguments you've made.
supported main points
The examples provided, particularly about Michael Jackson, effectively support the idea that music connects people across cultures and ages.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • universal language
  • evoke
  • connect
  • diverse audiences
  • cultural exchange
  • generational gaps
  • shared experiences
  • unifying force
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