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Writing Samples
Band 7

In many cities, problems related to overpopulation are becoming more common. Some governments are now encouraging businesses and individuals to move out of cities to rural areas. Do the advantages of this trend outweigh the disadvantages?

#cities #overpopulation #governments #businesses #individuals #move #areas #trend
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These days, the main matter that metropolises have is the growing number of urbanization;
as a result
, the trend that authorities follow across the world is that they move the companies and the public to suburban
areas
.
while
 the benefits of
this
 fashion are so varied, I still believe that cannot overshadow the demerits. On the one hand, immigrating from urban
areas
 to the countryside has several merits. On the one side, if populations live and work in rural
areas
, urban congestion decreases and the quality of life in these regions climbs. In fact, the noise and air pollution that consequence from traffic jams, factory emissions, and so on are declining. On the other side,
this
 migration has a range of economic impacts and prevents emigrating from these regions to cities from finding job vacancies inasmuch as they have work in their hometown.
On the other hand
,
this
 development has a range of drawbacks.
Firstly
, in the countryside, the price of land is lower;
consequently
, factory improve their production systems.
Moreover
, greenhouse gases emitted by them rise;
additionally
, the environment becomes extinct by the development of their sectors.
Secondly
, if communities go to the countryside for residency or work, they require some facilities for their lives
such
 as sanitation, pastimes, and so on.
In addition
, when they cannot reach them, they come back to the cities.
To sum up
, in my opinion, encouraging firms and people to replace their
areas
 in the rural region has a lot of positive influence on the local economy and the quality of life in the metropolises.
Nevertheless
, these good points cannot eclipse the bad points on account of the fact that they keep wild creatures and the environment from toxic gases and deforestation.
Furthermore
, equipment for better living is more essential.
Submitted by maryamkazemi968 on

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coherence cohesion
Improve logical flow by using more linking words and structures to enhance readability.
task achievement
Aim to provide clearer ideas and expand on some points for a more robust argument.
task achievement
Include specific examples to support your arguments more effectively.
coherence cohesion
The essay presents a clear introduction and a conclusion that summarizes the main points.
task achievement
You address both the advantages and disadvantages of the trend, which shows a balanced view.

Fully explain your ideas

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For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • overpopulation
  • urban congestion
  • quality of life
  • pollution
  • infrastructure
  • public services
  • economic development
  • job opportunities
  • local economies
  • affordable housing
  • standard of living
  • well-being
  • isolation
  • amenities
  • healthcare
  • education facilities
  • entertainment facilities
  • community ties
  • social networks
  • environmental degradation
  • ecosystems
  • biodiversity
  • development
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